


Once In A Life Time You Were Mine

by Icanloveyoumorethanthis



Category: One Direction (Band), Teen Top (Band)
Genre: AU, Adopted Child, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Canon Compliant, Crazy Harry, Crying, Death, Drugs, Fluff, Ghost Louis, Harry is missing Louis, In a way, Louis and Harry adopted a son, Louis is a Tease, Louis lives, Multi, Smut, Spoiler: Louis is dead, Top Harry, Touching, Worried Liam, but happy ending, but harry doen't know, but not really, but now we're at the future, not exactly, you have to read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:31:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icanloveyoumorethanthis/pseuds/Icanloveyoumorethanthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry cherished the moments that he and Louis had spent together. Their first kiss, under the tour bus in the rain, the first time they said I love you to each other, the first time they made love. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stop thinking of the most hurtful moments, the ones he wanted to burry away, to forget<br/>Or <br/>Louis is dead but Harry can't forget him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: Missing

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part of the story  
> The title is from the Teen Top song, watch its MV to get in the mood!!  
> It’s sad  
> The ages are a little different  
> Chanjo is a Korean singer from Teen Top, his friends are in the band also, but they don’t really have big part in the story  
> The village where Harry lives doesn’t exist

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

MISSING

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harry drew the blinds closed and locked the door. He checked for a final time that everything was at place and he climbed the stairs, leading to the apartment above the bakery he owned. He had received it after a really distant aunt of his died, leaving him the bakery and the house there. Harry was so grateful for it. It was the perfect timing. He needed to get away from everything. He had to start all over again. He owned that to his son Changjo to try.  
Harry had a quick shower and set by himself at the table. After Changjo moved out to Liverpool to study graphitic, he had gotten used of being alone. It gave him time to think. However, he realized that he also had time to remember. Harry cherished the moments that he and Louis had spent together. Their first kiss, under the tour bus in the rain, the first time they said I love you to each other, the first time they made love. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stop thinking of the most hurtful moments, the ones he wanted to burry away, to forget. To forget the drug use, the day Changjo, just five years old, found Louis on the sofa of the hotel unconscious, the ride to the hospital, the doctor’s announcement that Louis had over used, that he was dead, that he was no more. The love of his life dead. Harry wanted to die with him. He had collapsed on the floor of the hospital. He couldn’t breathe. Liam was over him, telling him something. He couldn’t listen to what though. His ears were buzzing. His whole body hurt. How could he live without him? How could he breathe without him? He wished that he was dead also, to stop hurting, to stop this nightmare. To be with Louis. To see him smile. To watch him breathing, as he lay naked next to him.  
Harry pushed these thoughts away. After his panic attack, he was kept at the hospital, where he tried to cut his wrists. The doctors had gotten him just in time, before he bled to death. He was committed to a psychiatric clinic. He was tied up on a bed. He was receiving anti depression drugs. He missed his funeral. He missed the band’s final concert. He didn’t care then. He wanted to see Louis. Just one more time. Only that.   
Then Niall and Liam brought Changjo over to see him. They told him that they weren’t allowed to keep him. He was to be sent to a foster home. That thought brought Harry back to reality. He had to live. He had to live for Changjo. He had to live for Louis.   
So he tried and he made it just before the trial, which was to determent Changjo’s fate. He made it to court and he won Changjo’s custody. Then he took him and moved away and raised Changjo. And all those years he hasn’t allowed himself to mourn, not even to think about him. He focused only on Changjo, to make him a man that his father would have been proud of.  
But now, now that he ate alone and walked into the house alone, he started to give in slowly, even though he was terrified that he will sink into the sadness of his half soul and he won’t be able to get out of it as he had once did. He had to stay strong. Changjo still needed him, although he was now finishing with his studies and he had started working at a publishing office. He came once every month to see him, but Harry knew that he did it more because he was afraid about him than because he missed him.  
As Harry laid on the bed that night, trying to get some sleep, the memory of him and Louis at France came rapidly into focus. They had traveled there, to a small village at the South, by the sea, for a weekend between the concerts. Harry was just nineteen and Louis was twenty one to twenty two. He had rented a car and they drove all the way from Paris to the coast. Louis hadn’t told him where they were going. It was their first weekend together alone. And he wanted it to be special. They had arrived at a small motel, overlooking the Mediterranean. Harry got out of the car looking around, as Louis took the bags. Everything was beautiful, peaceful, and tranquil. Louis stood next to him and took his hand.  
“I knew that you will like it.” He said smiling and him. Harry turned and hugged him.  
“It’s wonderful. Really. It’s exactly what we need after those back to back performances.”   
Harry felt Louis’s chest move up and down, as he laughed.  
“Exactly what I thought.”   
Harry smiled and moved his body, as to have his face just a few centimeters away from Louis. Louis smiled and leaned over and kissed his lips. Harry kissed him back. Louis bitten his lower lip and Harry moaned in pleasure. He could still feel his hot tongue touching his, as he was drifting away into a dreamless sleep.  
Harry woke up all sweaty in the morning. He jumped out of bed and had a quick breakfast before going downstairs to prepare the bread for that day. An hour later, George called.  
“Hey dad.”  
“Hey Changjo. Aren’t you at school?”  
“We had a party last night at Chungji’s and I stayed up late.”  
Chungji was the best friend of Changjo’s roommate Ricky. He owned a couple of night clubs in Liverpool and Manchester, and Ricky was an actor.  
“What about work?”  
“L. Joe will cover me.” Changjo responded, yawning. L.Joe was the computer tech that took Changjo’s sketches and turned them into book covers.  
“How was your night?”  
“Same old.”  
“Dad, if you have found someone…”  
“If I had, you would have been the first to know.”  
“Look, I get that you still love dad Louis, but I am sure he wouldn’t want you to be alone for ever. He would have wanted you to be happy.”  
“I am happy.” Harry lied.  
“Okay. Just saying.”  
They talk a little more and then Changjo hung up. Their conversations lasted less and less every day. Harry recalled the telephone conversations he had with Louis, when they were visiting their families. They lasted hours every day. They always had something to talk about. Harry felt that Changjo was his only hope. If he hadn’t got him, he would have been dead by now.  
Harry and Louis had adopted Changjo when he was a baby. After Louis passed away, his family could have taken the child, but Harry couldn’t allow that. He reminded him of Louis somehow. And it was his safety pin, pulling him together.   
As his friends drafted away one by one, Harry had gotten visits only from Liam, who lived nearby with his family. He made a record company and he had gotten married. Now he had four loud kids and a huge house. Liam had offered Harry many times to take them in, but Harry refused. He was a grown man; he needed to survive on his own. Even though his other half was missing.   
Niall came by from time to time also. He chose to become an actor, but didn’t last long. Now he spent his time being guest star at shows or joining celebrity big brother. Harry remembered that Louis loved that show. He made him watch it, even though Harry preferred a good old drama series. Never the less, he gave in every time. He enjoyed watching Louis getting worked up by the contestants and coursing them out loud. Louis was a loud man, louder in bed as well.   
Every time Niall came, Harry felt really nostalgic. Liam had moved on from the spotlight, but Niall loved that good old days. He was so attached to them, he had managed to get a deal from a managing company to reform their band again, but Harry and Liam were against it. Not after Louis had passed away. Zayn might had turned that down as well. He didn’t contact Harry, nor did the rest of the boys. He followed a solo career but it hadn’t worked out as planned. No one knew what happened to him, and most of them were too crossed to start searching for him. Zayn was out of the picture for good.   
Sometimes Harry would get calls from his old buddies. Most of them had disappeared when his career ended. Harry knew that most of his supposed friends weren’t there to stay. Louis used to make fan of them, how loyal they swore to be only to sell them away to the next magazine. Still, Harry got the occasional pocking from Michael on Facebook, or get invited to parties at London and LA from Ashton. Even Nick tried to get him to come and work at the radio with him. Calum and Luke would pass by and visit him and Changjo, take the kid for paint ball or to a theme park, have small gigs with him at the local parks. The boys were still famous, despite Michael mental break down and Ashton’s diagnosed bi polar disorder. They had managed to get treatment and get back on their feet, but they were based back at Sydney now and they had their record company based there as well. Strange enough Harry never got invited to join them there, which was a relief. He loved LA but there were too many memories there, good and bad. Here in the UK he felt cozy and protected, where he belonged, despite the cold and nasty weather.   
Harry wrapped a blanket around him and set on the sofa, switching between channels. Now that George was gone, Harry often cried himself to sleep. He woke up in the middle of the night, feeling oddly and scared.  
“Louis?”  
“Go to sleep, love. It’s really early.” He would whisper with his rusty voice. Harry would feel his hot breath on his skin.  
“Did you just come back from the club?”  
“Mmm, you should have come. It was interesting.”   
“How so?” Harry would get a little jealous. He wasn’t supposed to, as he was the one that the girls liked more, but still, he felt threatened every time someone gave Louis the sweet look.   
Louis giggled. “Let’s say I’ve got material for the next album. I have to talk to Liam first, of course.”  
“Liam is busy. He is taking his family to the Barbados for the spring holiday.”  
“He can make and hour or two for me. I’m telling you, sweetheart, this will be the best album I have ever written.”   
Harry would smile to this. He would extend his arm to feel Louis, but the bed will be empty. Louis was never there. Harry knew that it wasn’t healthy to keep Louis around like that. Sometimes he will even talk to him aloud. Like the one time he went into the kitchen and found it all messy.   
“Louis?”  
The brunet appeared from the small room they kept the ingredients. He had a mischievous look on his face, like a kitten that knew that was in trouble. Harry couldn’t help but smile.  
“I was going to make you breakfast. You woke up early.” Louis said as he pushed aside some dirty dishes. “I’ll clean up.” He promised. Harry knew that he will never clean up. But that was alright. He scooped the butter off his hair and cleaned the chocolate from his face. He set on the table’s chair, and Louis set on his lap.  
“What exactly were you going to cook?” Harry asked, looked over Louis’ shoulder to all the material laying on the floor.  
“Pancakes. I googled the recipe. You like pancakes, don’t you?” Harry didn’t answer. He leaned over and kissed him. He felt his hot tongue against his, as Louis put his hands over Harry’s shirt and scratched his back. Harry moaned, but he didn’t let go off his lips. Louis pulled his leg over Harry, so that he was sitting exactly opposed to him and he started undoing his belt.  
“You are a naughty cook mister Tommo.” Harry teased him, and Louis smiled. Harry pushed Louis’ messy hair back so that he could see his face and kissed him again, more urgently this time, as he felt his heart beat rising, along with other things. Louis pulled back to pull his pants off, and Harry leaned back. He wanted him so bad. When he turned back at him and opened his eyes though he was alone in the kitchen. Changjo’s cat was rubbing herself on his leg, covered with flour. The kitchen was still messy, but Louis wasn’t there. The cold truth swept over Harry. Louis was dead. He would never be there. He was never there in the first place. Harry cried as he cleaned up the kitchen and shooed the cat out at the garden. His eyes were all red but dry when little Changjo came down to have breakfast. Changjo asked for pancakes. Harry couldn’t bring himself to make them. In fact, he never had pancakes again. He was so horrified by that experience that he was tempted to talk to Liam about it. But finally he decided not to. He didn’t want a lecture from Liam. And he didn’t want Louis to leave him. Even through this crazy way, Louis was part of his life.  
Changjo of course didn’t know about Harry’s imaginary friend. He understood that his dad was acting weird some times, like when he was alone at the shop he talked to someone next to him, when none was actually there. Harry used to smile when he was into his fantasies. He had created a world made of glass, where he had safely let Louis’ memory feel it up. Louis’ ghost was so alive, so vibrant, that Harry found himself often forgetting that he wasn’t actually there with him.   
“What TV show you want to watch tonight?” Harry asked. Soon enough Louis was cuddling with him under the blanket, his fingers tangled between his.  
“I’m not in a TV mood, tonight.” Louis said. Harry felt the warmth of his body against his.  
“Seriously? It’s game night, remember?” Louis loved football. He was going to teach Changjo how to play, probably had him signed for an academy as well. Harry wasn’t that into it, and the few attempts he had with Changjo were a complete failure. Liam and Luke had taken over from there, but Changjo apparently wasn’t really into it. He wanted to make his dad proud, but he was more like Harry on that subject.  
“I can make an exception.” Louis smiled and kissed Harry’s cheek. Harry frowned. There were very rare occasion when Louis would spare a game for him.  
“I love you Lou. Don’t ever leave me.” Harry murmured against his chestnut hair. They smelled wood and chamomile.   
“Don’t worry, love. I can’t live without you anyway. How can I possibly leave you?” Harry swallowed hard. This wasn’t working tonight. This wasn’t his Lou, the love of his life. Louis didn’t miss football games to sit around quiet with him. Louis did leave him. He killed himself when he overdosed. He was sad and depressed. Harry should have known. But he didn’t. They had a huge fight, and Harry had left their apartment angry. He went over to that club he used to go, got drank and flirted with a bunch of guys. Later on some photos of him parting with naked men were leaked, but he didn’t care. He was so angry with him. Now he couldn’t even remember why they fought in the first place. But if he hadn’t been such a prick, if he had gone to Louis earlier, if he had called him to tell him that those photos where lies, if he had told him everything that he meant to him, Louis would have been alive. The doctors told him that Louis was self destructive, that he was a time bomb, ready to explode in any second. Harry couldn’t save him from himself. He couldn’t blame himself for Louis’ choices. He knew how Harry felt about him. He knew that those tabloids always wrote lies. Yet he decided to get high.   
However how reassuring the doctors were, Harry still felt guilty. Maybe that’s why his Louis ghost was the form of Louis just before he died. His hair was longer than usual, uneven and untidy. He had facial hair, which Harry found very attractive and he was thinner than usual. Harry knew that those signs were the marks of an addict, yet he choose to over look them. Maybe because every time he brought that up, Louis got mad and they had huge fights. He denied that he had a problem and that it needed to be fixed. He denied that he needed help. Even from Harry.   
At least this Louis was as sassy as the original, but less stubborn.   
“Are you tired love?”  
“I will never get tired of you, Lou.” Harry said and took him into his arms. Louis’ blue eyes chased away the bad memories. It was as if they were together again. And they were, curled up on Harry’s sofa, away from the annoying paparazzi, away from the controlling managers, away from everyone’s criticism and fake friendships. Just him and the love of his life.   
In the morning, Harry had to go to work. Waking up was nearly impossible today. He spent the night with Louis, talking and laughing till really late.   
When he arrived at the shop, Dorothy, his baking assistance was waiting for him at the door. It was still night, and the sky looked cloudy. The air was filled with moisture and it was cold against Harry’s cheeks.  
“Good morning.” Dorothy said cheerfully. Liam had pointed out that Dorothy was sweet over him, but Harry couldn’t just fire her over that. She was trained and efficient and she never asked him why he was sad or pale or talking to himself.   
“Just another spring day, huh?” Harry said and they got in. Inside the bakery, it was warm and it always smelled of fresh bread. Harry loved that. It was the best smell in the world along with hot morning coffee.   
Dorothy and he got to work, without talking. Working with each other for years helped them learn each other’s moves and now they mostly did everything automatically. Dorothy left after midday and Harry closed the bakery and went for lunch. He cut onions and carrots for sauce.  
“I love carrots.” Louis commented. “Remember when I said that on TV?”  
Harry nodded.   
“Thank God you can cook.”  
“Well, I can’t let you near the oven again. You almost burned down the house last time you tried to bake.”  
“So, we were moving anyway.”   
“It was an apartment! You could have set the whole building on fire!”  
“I’m a hot guy. I can’t help it.” Harry laughed and kissed him. He tasted like wine.   
“Is it ready yet?” Louis looked over to the boiling pot.  
“Almost.”   
“So, we’ve got time to spare.” Louis gave him the well known look and Harry felt hot suddenly. They moved to the sofa. Louis had his legs all wrapped around Harry’s waist, his hands moving up and down his chest, grabbing his hair. Their kissing became more and more intense. Harry pushed Louis back on the sofa, while sucking the skin from his neck. Louis moaned and his hands followed Harry as he moved from his neck to his chest, to his tummy and way under. Harry pulled Louis skinny jeans off him and kissed the upper area of his groin. He felt Louis already being aroused.  
The door bell rang. Louis groaned in frustration. He set up and brought Harry’s face to his own level, cupping it with his hands. “Don’t answer it.” He whispered. Harry wanted to ignore it, but the bell kept ringing. “Lou, I have to.” Louis pushed him back angrily, and Harry fixed his clothes and got up. He went to the door and opened it just enough. He didn’t want the guy who was looking at him up and down to see Louis on the sofa with his pants off.   
“Can I help you?” Harry asked the man. He was around his late twenties, with black hair slick back neatly. Louis tried to get that hair style as well in the past, but, after a few minutes, his hair grew wild again, popping all around his head from different angles.   
The guy gave Harry and confident smile. “Are you mister Styles?”  
“Nobody calls me mister.” Harry replied. What did this man want?  
“Oh, sorry, well, I’m Tom Dean from the Bioceleb magazine. We are running a series of…”  
“No.” Harry cut him off. Usually he was more polite and he hated people interrupting each other, but he also knew that gentleness and paparazzi didn’t go hand to hand. He had been asked for interviews and documentaries in the past, but he had refused. Changjo was still very young and the idea of talking about his past was a tricky situation.   
“Mister… Can I call you Harry?”   
Harry nodded.  
“Harry then, this is not some gossip tabloid. I understand that you may be a little taken back by them in the past, but we are respectable…”  
“Fucking paparazzi!” Louis yelled from inside. Harry blushed. But Tom kept going.  
“…we don’t want to invade your privacy. We just want to write an article about how you overcome your glamorous past and became a small business man. Other ex celebrities have agreed to talk as well. I think mister Payne is on board, but we can’t reach Mister Malik yet.”  
“That’s good and interesting and all, but I really don’t want to talk about my past.”  
“Kick him out and come back in. I’m burning as well as your pot.” Louis shouted. Harry jumped and ran to the kitchen. Sure enough the pot was covered with black smoke. Harry threw it in the sink, opened the water and let it ran until all the smoke was gone.   
“Sorry about that.” Tom was in the kitchen. He looked worried. Harry quickly glanced over to the sofa. Has Tom seen Louis? But the sofa was empty. He must have gone into the bed room before Tom entered… What is he doing? Tom was looking over the sofa puzzled. Harry had to act quickly.  
“Um…it wasn’t your fault, don’t be sorry.” Harry flashed him a smile. He was a little rusty, but it worked. Tom’s attention was back at him.   
“Okay, look. Since your meal is obviously destroyed, what do you say we go to that local restaurant I saw on my way here? We can discuss about the piece and if you don’t like it, then fine, we will leave you alone.”   
Harry was still too stressed out about what had happened. How he had lost the thin line between reality and the dream? When he decided to play along with it, he was certain that he could handle it, being in control of it and not let it overtake his life. But here he was, believing that Louis was in the same room with him and another living person. He had to get out of there.  
“Fine. Let me grab my coat.”  
They went to the local restaurant. It wasn’t a restaurant per say, especially for someone who had lived in the big cities of the world such as London and New York. But it was the only place to get some food apart from the two local pubs. Those and his bakery, of course, but he had made a rule to close it up for lunch, as Changjo would have been back and he liked to share meals with him.   
Still, it has been a while since he had been to a real restaurant. And it was nice to talk to someone other than the locals and his old friends. Tom was easy to talk to and quite funny in an odd, awkward way. Harry found himself laughing at some point, but quickly checked himself. He felt like he was doing something bad by having a good time with Tom. Like he was cheating on Louis. Which was ridiculous. He wasn’t even interested in Tom.  
“I better get going. I have to open the bakery.” Harry said and got up.  
“So, are you going to think about it?” Tom asked and Harry found himself unable to turn him down.  
“I will.”  
“Great. I am staying at the motel till you decide what to do.”  
They said their goodbyes and Harry rushed to his shop. Sure enough, Changjo was calling him.  
“Hey, dad. This is the third time I am trying to reach you. Did anything happen?”  
“No, don’t worry.” Harry told him about Tom and their lunch.  
“That is so great!” Changjo was excited.  
“Changjo, it was only a business lunch.”  
“Are you seeing him again?”  
“I… I don’t know. Probably not. I really don’t want…”  
“You should ask him out!”  
“Changjo, he is here on to write an article about me.”  
“How long will that take?”  
“Well, he wants to observe me work and interact with the others. I don’t know how long will that take.” Harry said, while casually stroking Louis’ hair. The boy was laying on the sofa, his head on Harry’s lap, watching sport news.  
“Then accept the offer! Dad it will be good for you.”  
“I don’t know. Having a reporter sniffing around our private lives.”  
“Make a point that you don’t want him to write about anything personal. Please dad. Even Liam is doing it!”  
“I’ll call Liam and ask about it, okay? No promises though!”  
“Love you dad.”  
“Love you too.”  
“You are spoiling him. Giving him what he wants.” Louis complained.  
“Nonsense. You are worse with children. Playing it tough and all, when you are a softy. They can practically do whatever they want with you.”  
“So, what are you going to do?” Louis got up and looked at him straight into the eyes.  
“I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”   
Louis didn’t answer. He just kept staring at him. Harry wanted to say that he was afraid that if he let the reporter be a part of his life, he will soon find out about Louis. But if he said that to Louis, he was terrified that he would leave and never come back again. Leave him alone for good.  
“Call Liam.” Louis said and turned his gaze towards the TV.  
Liam wasn’t that helpful either. He told him to do it. It was time for him to venture back to the world. Reluctant, Harry called Tom and told him that he was accepting. He sounded very excited.  
“Harry, thank you so much for accepting.”  
“I just want to make sure that my family will be safe.”  
“I won’t write anything that you don’t approve.”  
Harry wasn’t reassured, but he made an effort not to be heard as such. He hand up and leaned back.  
“That wasn’t that hard, was it?”  
“Louis, not now.” Louis frowned but didn’t say anything else.  
Next morning Harry felt nervous. A stranger was going to spent the day with him. He told him to meet him in the morning, when he was opening up and starting baking. Which was tricky. Harry had that old urge to wear something nice and fashionable, but he had not to undo himself as he was supposed to be baking and be covered with flour.   
Finally he picked a nice blue jersey with jeans. He looked in his closet and felt a little disappointed. He used to have a huge closet filled with nice stylish clothes, even when he was a teenager. Everyone told him how lucky he was to have that good taste in clothes. Louis on the other hand was the one who could wear anything and still look good. Harry envied his relaxed mood, as he didn’t care how he looked and if that colour matched his skin tone.   
Looking at his clothes’ collection now, Harry saw only some designer outfits dashed at the back of the closet, and a lot of M&S tops. A few pairs of jeans completed his pour in choices collection. Harry never thought that he will need anything but a few nice clothes for special occasions. His life spanned around the bakery and raising Changjo.   
“You look great.” Louis said, as he got up of the bed topless, his bare tattoos exposed. Harry loved each and every one of them. They were Louis. Harry observed how his stomach got up and down as he breathed the smoke from the cigarette in and out. His eyes were gazing at somewhere Harry could never go. Louis noticed him looking at him.  
“You’re gonna be late.” He warned.  
“Oh, yeah.”   
“Unless.” Louis climbed the bed again, got to Harry and put his arms around his neck. His eyes were now half closed. His breath smelled smoke. “Unless you want to stay here with me.” He gave Harry a sweet, full of promise smile. Harry wanted to say yes so badly, but his phone rang before he couldn’t not respond. He went for it.  
“Hello?”  
“Harry?” It was Dorothy. Harry glanced at the clock. Shit!  
“I’m right down. Sorry.”   
“It’s fine. It’s just that there is this guy here asking for you.”  
Harry put his coat on and rushed downstairs. Sure enough, Dorothy and Tom were waiting for him. He must have apologized a hundred times during the first five minutes, until Tom made it clear that it made him uncomfortable and he had to stop. Tom then explained to them that he was just an observer and that they should react like he wasn’t even there. Still Harry felt nervous. What if Tom found it odd how he and Dorothy worked together in silence. Or if Louis appears. Which didn’t take long.   
They were waiting for the first bunch of breads to cook, when Louis started making fun of how Tom set on the chair at the corner quite, writing something on his little book.  
“Who in the twentieth century is writing on a notebook? The magazine must pay him scrubs and he can’t afford a laptop.” Harry smiled. Louis could be really rude sometimes.  
“Why are you not using a laptop Tom?” He asked, as he could see Louis wasn’t going to let it go. It was hard to concentrate and pretend that he wasn’t listening to Louis’ remarks. Act normal, act normal, he kept repeating to himself.  
“Um, I like it old school. I think it’s better that way.” Tom explained.  
“No it’s not.” Louis smirked.   
“I think it’s nice that you stick to old school.” Harry smiled at Tom. For a moment their eyes locked. Tom smiled right back at him. His almond eyes were so expressive. Stop it! What was he doing? He used to flirt with men all the time in the past. Harry loved it. The thrill of flirting and the secret glances, the half smiles full of emotion, the clever remarks, observing every little detail of your partner. His favorite was flirting with Louis, but he had his go with others too. Of course the game started and finished there. He never took anything further. He was utterly committed to Louis, heart, soul and body. His everything belonged to him. His own existence had no meaning without him. And yet, here he was. No, he should stop thinking like that. And he should stop looking back at Tom.   
Harry broke the connection and hide in the room where they kept the flour. He fell on his knees and tears ran down his cheeks.  
“What’s wrong love?” Louis had his arms around him, his face buried in his hair. His hot breath barely touched his skin.   
“I’m … I’m fine.” Harry lied. He wiped his eyes.  
“Harry, ditch that fucker if he makes you upset.” Louis advised.   
“I…I can’t. I promised Changjo.”  
“Like I said, you spoil him.”   
Dorothy knocked at the door. Harry jumped up quickly and fixed his apron. He wished that he had a mirror so he could see if his eyes were red, but he had no time. He grabbed a bag of cookie mixture and went out. Dorothy looked at him worried.  
“I was looking for the mixture. We haven’t made biscuits for a really long time.” Harry said, answering Dorothy’s unspoken questions. He went into the baking room, without making any eye contact with Tom. The bread was already out and Dorothy gathered it into big trays and took it out for the display. Harry wished that he had volunteered to do that, because now he was stuck with Tom alone. Had he heard him talking to Louis? Harry dared a look towards him. Tom looked as nothing had happened. What if he played along and then went and wrote everything on paper? Then everyone would know. Changjo will know. His little secret paradise will be gone.  
Harry started to shake.   
“You’re over thinking it.” Louis commented, taking a scoop of cookie dough on his figure and leaking it and moaning with pleasure. “Look at his face. He looks like a cow. Look at him Harry. Could that cow faced ever think of a master plan like that?” Louis went over to Tom and pocked his face with his index to support his point. Harry winched. But Tom didn’t seem to notice.  
“So, Harry. Is this your daily routine?” Tom asked.  
“Um, yes. Pretty boring, huh?” Harry said melancholically.   
“Oh, no, no. It’s quite interesting to know how bread is made. You have a very different life from the one you used to have. Was it difficult to adjust?”  
“Sometimes.” Harry had never thought about it. He had to get away from all the spotlight in order to protect Changjo and find his piece of mind.   
“But it must have been a huge change to exchange London for a life in a village.”  
“I haven’t always been living in London.”  
“Still…”  
“It is better this way,” Harry said and spooned some cookies on baking tray. Louis grabbed the spoon and linked it, looking at Harry. Harry hid a smile, as he turned to put the cookies in the oven.   
Dorothy fortunately came back and Tom stopped pressing the matter. Harry put his apron away and got to the front of the shop. He didn’t ask Tom to come with him. Harry knew that it was rude, but Louis assured him that he was doing the right thing.  
“Let the fucker stay at the back. He would scare the customers away with his ugly face.”   
“Be nice. He is just doing his job.” Harry hissed at him. Louis made a face and set on the counter, wrapping his legs around Harry, trapping him into his embrace.  
“And your job is to make me happy. Now that I’m thinking about it, we left a certain job unfinished.”   
“Louis, we can’t.” Harry said and broke away from him, as Tom and Dorothy walked in.   
“Did you say anything?” Tom asked, but with no big interest.  
“No.” Harry snapped and turned around to fix the bread loafs that didn’t really need fixing. Tom must have gotten the cold shoulder attitude he was receiving from him because he didn’t ask any other question, till lunch time.  
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Dorothy said as she closed the door behind her. Harry was left alone with Tom and Louis, who was picking with Tom’s hair.  
“So professional.” Louis mocked and ran his finger down Tom’s back. Harry held his breath. “And so uptight.” Louis laughed.  
“You must be hungry.” Harry rushed in. Tom looked at him surprised for a second.  
“Yeah, I guess.” Harry wore his jacket and Tom got up. He looked troubled. “Harry, have I done anything to make you uncomfortable?”  
“Yes. You exist,” Louis commented.  
“No. Why?”  
“Because you seem, I don’t know, a little closed up.”  
“I must be tired, that’s all. And I haven’t really been used to being around strangers.”  
“Really? Oh, I mean, yes. Sorry. Look, do you want to come with me for lunch and talk? My treat.”  
“Um, I have to skype my son, so can we make that for tomorrow?” Tom looked a little disappointed. Was Harry too harsh on him? He didn’t want to be captured as distance and an old bitter in the article.  
“I am sorry. I had a rough night and I didn’t get much sleep. I promise I will be in better mood next time.”  
“Oh, don’t worry.” Tom left and Harry hurried up the stairs. He left some broccoli to cook on the oven and went straight into the shower. Louis was in the bathroom even before Harry got in.   
“Broccoli? I am almost tempted to let you take a shower alone.” Louis said, making a face at the idea of the vegetable. Harry grabbed and kissed him, his hands working all the way down to his pants, undoing them and letting them fall on the floor, along with Louis’ underwear. He then lifted him up and put him on the sink. He parted his lips from his, feeling Louis’ form a smile.  
“Okay, I said tempted.” Harry took off his jersey, before taking a step back to strip himself off his clothes.  
“You have been tempting me all day.” Harry took him down and they both went into the shower. It was small, so Louis was pressed against the wall. Harry let the water ran over them, just hot enough. Then he poured some shampoo on them. Louis turned his back at him, so he could wash his hair. The foam was dripping through his long hair down his masculine back. Harry followed the water with his hand. Louis’ shoulder blades, the muscles of his back, while kissing his wet neck. His hot skin tasted like the shampoo, lemon and tea. Louis moaned his name, as Harry’s fingers traced his rim and entered him, his hands pressed on the tiles of the shower. Harry raised his left arm and intertwined their fingers, his breath hot on Louis’ neck as he slowly built a steady rhythm, and brought the smaller boy to his orgasm. Louis then turned and kissed Harry on the lips, sucking his lower one, his arms around his neck, pulling him closer to him. Harry pulled away, taking a deep breath. The water made his hair cover his face, and he could now hardly see him. But he knew Louis, every inch of his body, every place that made him arose.   
Louis pushed his numbed hair back and gave him a quick kiss. Their noses touched and Louis smiled. Harry moved his hands from Louis’ hips to his cock. He was hard again even though he just came. He took his cock as well and started gently moving his hand up and down. Louis had his hands on his shoulders and he squeezed his skin as they both started to get closer to coming. His breath was heavy on Harry’s skin as he came.   
“Harry,” his lips whispered against his chest. Harry held him in his arms. “I love you,” he said. They stood there, under the hot water, their two bodies as one, naked and wet.   
Finally, Harry dried himself and went to see if his lunch was ready.  
“I’m gonna sleep and order a pizza next.” Louis said at the bedroom door. Harry smiled.  
“You do what you have to.”  
“Oh, you are not playing the guilty card with me. It won’t work. I won’t give in and it that thing.” Louis disappeared into the room. Harry set down alone and called Changjo as he told Tom.  
“Hey dad.” Changjo appeared on the screen.  
“Hey.”  
“How was the interview.”  
“Okay.”   
“So, are you going to ask him out?”  
“What?” Harry was shocked. Changjo and he never discussed their relationships. Changjo didn’t like talking about his girlfriends and he never pushed Harry to improve his. Now and then of course he will point out that Harry didn’t have to stay single forever, but he never confronted him openly before.  
“Oh, come on dad. He is cute, isn’t he?”  
Harry hadn’t really given much thought about it. He had never thought about any man as handsome or cute, not after Louis. Tom was a handsome boy, he guessed, and his clumsiness made him cute and adorable. But, still, Harry didn’t feel attracted to him.   
“He is just a reporter doing his job.”  
“So? Come on, dad. Look, nothing has to happen if you don’t feel like it, but at least give it a try. I mean, even if it fails, he will be gone and you’ll never see him again. But, if you don’t give it a try, then you are going to regret it.”  
“I…” How could Harry explain to him that he wasn’t alone?  
“Is it Louis again?” Changjo looked grim.  
“Your father will always be the love of my life.”  
“I know. But Tom is not going to replace him. But he is gone. You can’t stay like this forever.”  
“Changjo!”  
“At least promise me you’ll go out with him and I stop nagging you.”  
“I told you Changjo. I don’t even know if I can. It’s been ages since I’ve asked someone out.”   
“Look, when the time is right, you’ll know what to do.” They talked for a little while longer and then Harry hung up and went downstairs to open the bakery again. To his relief Tom didn’t get there till late afternoon.  
“I had to write down my notes and it took longer than I thought. Sorry.”  
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Did you get any rest?”   
“Yeah, thanks. You?”  
“Yes. Are you ready for the next part of the article.”  
“What’s the next part?”  
Tom smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m going to ask you some questions about your life. Okay?”  
Harry wasn’t ready. He remembered those endless interviews he had to give as a celebrity. Those long hours talking about nonsense, controlling himself not to say anything about Louis and him. Louis, on the other hand, didn’t care that much about revealing their secret. Harry recalled waiting for him outside their manager’s office, like a parent waiting his kid to get out of the principal’s office. But, however the preaches and the fines Louis got, he couldn’t help it. Harry had started to think that his drag addiction was caused by that secrecy they had to keep. He, himself, didn’t mind that much about keeping his private life away from the paparazzi. He believed that once out, everyone had an opinion about it, everyone felt the need to criticize and bet on when they were going to split. No, better a secret for only them to know. But the way their management forced him to date others in order to spread shade over his real personal life that was one thing Harry wasn’t okay about. Louis and him had long talks about leaving and managing their own lives. But then again they couldn’t ruin the careers of the other boys as well. They weren’t that selfish. So Louis found a breakthrough through getting high, and Harry could only watch him helplessly as he drifted away from him, destroying himself until the final act, when he ended up dead.   
His mouth tasted sour as he recalled all these things. And without thinking it, Harry turned into interview mode, talking about everything, but revealing nothing. He set opposed to Tom in the shop and Tom took out his microphone and his notebook.  
“Right, so, how long have you been living here?”  
“Twelve years give or take.”  
“How did you find this place?”  
“An aunt left it to me. I had it for some years and I decided that it was my best next move to move in here.”  
“How did the locals react to your decision?”  
“Um, they were happy at first. They came here to meet me and talk to me. There were some media filming as well. But they slowly got used to it, got to know me as a person and not as a man in their TV sets and I like to think I became one of them.”  
“Do they still treat you differently? Like, they want you to represent them or attend parties as a formal guest next to the mayor?”  
“Oh, they did at first, but I refused and they stopped. But if there is a serious matter and I’m the only one that can help, of course I will try my best to be in help.”  
Harry knew where this interview was going to and he didn’t like it. Fortunately, a lady came in to buy some cake and Harry gladly got up to help her out. He took his time wrapping the cake and giving the change. He even cleaned the tray of the cake and went to the back to get some fresh supplies. He prayed in silence that Tom will forget about their talk when he got back. But Tom didn’t seem to mind. He had the questions written on his notebook, so there was no chance of him forgetting the whole thing.  
“Tom, do you want to come with me for a walk?” Harry asked from behind the counter. At least he will be distracted enough to stop asking him question and it will be a chance for Harry to ask his. Tom seemed to think about it.  
“Okay.” He finally agreed. Harry smiled and got his coat. He locked then the bakery after making sure that everything was shut down for the night.  
“You have to see our little forest and the bridge. It is lovely this time of the year.” Harry commented. For the first few minutes they walked in silence. Harry usually enjoyed that, but that also meant that Tom will have time to think about another question.  
“So, Tom, where are you from?” Harry asked, when they were out of the village.  
“Um, from York.” He said. Harry took a deep breath. No wonder why his accent reminded him of Louis.  
“And now you are living in London?”  
“Yes. I moved there for my studies and fortunately got a job there as well.”  
“Any family?”  
“I have a brother back in York, but either than that, no. It’s just me and my plants in London, even though I have got this feeling that they won’t be there when I get back.”  
“Haven’t you arranged for someone to water them?”  
“It didn’t really occur to me at the time.”  
Harry laughed and Tom smiled awkwardly. They were into the forest by then. The wind was cool and made his cheeks red, but he was keeping up with Harry.   
“So, you’re married to your work then.” Harry commented.  
“You can say that. The truth is, I asked to be assigned to this project because I really wanted to meet you.”  
“Oh.”  
“You were my idol. Well, I admired you and this is my only opportunity to meet the legend.”  
“And do I live up to your expectations?”  
“Yes. I mean, I always thought of you like a celebrity rather than a man and it’s great to see you like an ordinary person. No offence.”  
“Non taken.” Harry had worked really hard to be seen as an ordinary person and it was a complement for him that someone acknowledged that.  
“Well, I’m sure you are hearing this a lot. The admiration and everything. Is it easy to live like that?”  
“You can get used to it, but being a role model isn’t easy and it’s not something I wanted. I mean, it is a burden. I am nothing like a role model.”  
“Why are you saying that? A lot of people look up to you and you actually helped them fight for what they are and who they want to be.”  
“So, I’m taking you’re gay then.”  
“Yes. And seeing you coming out gave me courage to tell my parents about me.”  
Harry remembered the time he came out. It wasn’t a pleasing time. Louis was gone and he was just out of the clinic. He remembered dialing the number of a journalist, all the while fearing that his manager had bugged the phone or he would find out in any other way and file him for contract violation. But he didn’t care. As he stepped in into the small café he had arranged to meet the journalist, he felt like a new man, a man that Louis would have been proud of. And he had to do it. To have the custody of Changjo he needed to be honest and sincere. He couldn’t go there and have a lawyer expose him and call him a fraud. But that was exactly what Harry felt when Tom called him an idol. A fraud. He hadn’t done it for the greater good. He had done it for himself. Maybe if he was more courageous back then, Louis would still be with him.  
“Thanks, Tom for your honesty.”  
“I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I? I am sorry, I do try to be more cautious of what I say, but I get carried away.”  
“Don’t worry about it. So, did your parents take it well?”  
“Not at the beginning, but they’ve got used to it and they support me now. I moved to London with my boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend, and they helped us out. They are really sweet and I am really grateful to them.”  
“That is good.”  
“I always wonder what triggered your coming out. Was it Louis’ death that brought everything into perspective?”   
There it was. What Harry dreaded that will happen. Hearing Louis’ name from Tom’s lips brought a chill down his spine. Death. Louis. Harry swallowed back the tears. For years he had shut out everything and everyone. He never watched the news, in fear he would hear about him. He never read the newspaper as well. His friends knew better than talking about him and Changjo only talked about him as his dad that he barely remembered.   
“I…” Harry had never thought about it. He didn’t care really. Did people know about him and Louis? Had they figured out they were together?   
“Um, did I say something wrong?” Tom looked at him with concern. But the only thing Harry could hear was Louis’ name. “Is Louis something we are not allowed to talk about? I mean you were close and…”   
Harry couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bare it. He let the tears stream down his cheeks freely and started running. Tom yelled his name, but Harry didn’t stop. Even if Tom followed him, he soon would get lost and leave him alone. Because that’s what he wanted to be. Alone.  
“You’re not alone, babycakes.” Louis said, running next to him. Harry looked at him. His face was red from the effort.  
“Can we please stop? I prefer running only if I have to.”  
Harry stopped and looked back. He only could see the forest, thick and green, slightly misty, but no Tom.  
“He lost us. City boy. He will finally leave us alone.” Louis set down on the ground. Harry followed him, catching his breath. Louis was breathing heavily as well. His forehead had bids of sweat on it.   
“What are you looking at? You’re no better.” Louis snapped and laid back on a tree.  
“I prefer it when I’m making you sweat.” Louis smiled mischievously.  
“Now we are talking.” He leaned forward and capped Harry’s face. Harry gazed into his eyes, that light blue like the calm, summer sea. Louis wrapped his legs around Harry and carelessly stroke his hair.  
“That motherfucker making my baby sad.”  
“I’m fine, Lou.”  
“But he won’t after I’m done with him.”  
“Leave him. He would be leaving soon.”  
“He’ll better be. I want you all for myself.” He pressed his lips against his and Harry forgot everything about Tom and the interview.   
It must have been late afternoon, when Harry went into his apartment. His voicemail had gone nuts. Tom had left him a hundred messages. Harry didn’t want to reply to him. How could he explain his behavior? And he couldn’t talk about Louis and him. Apparently it was still a secret. Or wasn’t it? Harry wasn’t under any contract. It was about time that the world found out about him and Louis. But he knew what came next. He had to talk about him, explain why they kept it a secret without exposing their associates and the other members of the band. And of course there was the flood of journalist that will flock into his small village to get an interview with him. Maybe it was better to leave it alone.  
“Don’t be a bloody coward and tell him about us.” Louis yelled from the bathroom. Soon he appeared with his towel wrapped around his waist, his hair wet from the shower.   
“It’s not a really good idea, Lou.”  
“It’s a great idea. We should have done that ages ago. Now it’s the time! Come on!”  
“I’ll think about it.”  
“I’ll think about it.” Louis mocked his voice.   
“Stop it!”  
“You make me stop.”  
Louis dared him with his eyes. Harry grabbed him from the arm and pulled him close, so that their chests were pressed against each other.  
“You know that I can.” Harry said, his mouth against Louis lips.   
The kiss was passionate, Louis pulled him down to him and Harry lost his balance. They fell on the floor, their lips sealed. Louis laughed and wrapped his legs and arms around Harry. They roll on the floor, Harry taking Louis’ towel off. They ended up Louis on top of Harry. Only then Louis pulled away and got upright, his hands working down Harry’s pants. Harry was already hard. Louis ran his fingers on Harry’s boner. Harry felt shivers all over his body. Louis leaned back down and kissed him, his body hot against Harry’s. Harry turned him over and helped him get on his hands and knees. Louis moaned his name as Harry entered him, moving slowly in and out, his hands moving from Louis’ back to his thighs, leaving goosebumps on his skin. Harry licked the middle of his back up to his shoulder blades. He tasted like salt and slightly sweet. With each of Harry’s thrust Louis’s breath became quicker and quicker, as they went close to the end. Harry saw the cum running down Louis belly and on the floor. Soon he came as well, falling on the floor, next to Louis. The smaller man’s chest went up and down, as he turned to face him grinning. He set on his elbow and with his other hand pushed Harry’s hair back off his face. Harry traced his fingers over Louis’ bonny face.  
“I need a drag.” Louis announced and got up. Harry watched him walk away. “Won’t you clean first?” Harry yelled after him.  
“No need love.” Louis called from the bedroom.   
Harry fixed his clothes and cleaned up the floor. Then he took a bath and ate some salad for dinner, as Louis made some tea. Finally they went to bed. Harry was too exhausted. He layed there, looking at the ceiling, listening to Louis steady breath.  
“Lou?”  
“Hmm”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too, baby.”  
“You won’t leave me, are you?”  
“Never. What gave you that idea?”  
Harry went silent. He reached over for Louis hand. Louis tangled his fingers with his. Harry smiled and drifted away.   
The morning light rushed in through the drapes of the window. Louis’ body moved next to him. Harry glanced at the clock. It was 5.00 o clock! Harry cursed and flew into the bathroom. He threw some cold water on his face and he picked up his clothes from yesterday from the floor. He didn’t have time to wear something else. He looked at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair quickly. When he went out, Louis was still sleeping. Harry grabbed his phone from the night stand next to him and he leaned down and kissed Louis’ head. His hair smelled of smoke and lemon. The warmth from his body covered Harry’s face. Louis smiled in his sleep and turned to the other side. Harry looked at him for a last time, before running downstairs. He was so late!   
Fortunately Dorothy had keys and she had already started baking. Tom was in there with her.   
“I am so sorry.” Harry muttered. He didn’t meet Tom’s eyes and he didn’t really care to. He and Louis had decided to stop that article and get some peace at last. The hard part was to announce his decision to Tom.  
Harry waited till Dorothy had to leave for the afternoon and he and Tom were alone. Harry hadn’t really spoken to him all day and Tom had kept his distance. Surely he had called him a few times last night, but Harry had turned his phone down. That’s why he hadn’t set his alarm and he had overslept.   
“So, Tom. I think we need to talk.” Harry said, sitting next to him. The dim light created shadows all over the room.  
“Yes. Look, about yesterday. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I…I called Liam and he told me that Louis is a touchy subject. I am really sorry.”  
“It’s not that. Really. It’s that … this whole thing reminds me of my old life and it wasn’t as glamorous as the papers make it look like. And I don’t want Changjo to know about it.”  
“I don’t understand. You were positive about it.”  
“I thought that I could do it. I am really sorry. You wasted all this time…”  
“No, don’t be sorry. It was an honor to meet you, really.”  
“But you don’t have an article anymore.”  
“I have enough material so far. Except if you don’t want to run this whole thing at all.”  
Harry wanted to say no, that what he and Louis had agreed, but he couldn’t make it worse for Tom. Part of him felt sorry for the guy.   
“If that helps you, why not.”  
“Well, then, I’ll leave for London first thing in the morning.”  
“Oh, you really don’t have to leave immediately.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get a better workspace there, no offence.”  
“Non taken.”  
Harry really felt bad about Tom, but he also knew he couldn’t do anything about it. He told him good bye and when Tom left, he cleaned up the room and went upstairs to watch Love Actually with Louis. Harry knew that these declarations of love couldn’t happen in real life, and if they did, Louis would never do them. Louis may not be the most romantic man, but Harry knew that he was romantic enough for both of them. And Louis loved him. He showed it to him not through big placards in Times Square or with flowers all around the room, but it was the little things that mattered.  
Louis would glance at him and smile, whispered good morning, still sleeping with his eyes closed, Louis’ hand brushing his hand against his cheek.

Now he laid his head on his shoulder. Harry could hear his breath slowly deepening. Louis was falling asleep. Still, it was a nice gesture to suggest to watch that film tonight. He probably wanted to award him for letting Tom go. Harry squeezed his hand.   
“You need to go to bed.” Harry whispered. Louis made a quiet sign.   
“No, I’m watching.”   
“You aren’t.” Harry laughed. Louis got up and gave him a long look of annoyance.   
“I said, I want to watch it.”   
“Okay, okay. Let’s watch it then.”  
Louis stared at the screen ignoring him. Harry tried to hold his smile. He knew that Louis will try to convince him that he was interested in the movie, but he would get bored soon.  
“STOP STARING AT ME!” Louis yelled.  
Harry busted into laugher. Than annoyed Louis even more. He got up and left the room, slamming the bedroom door behind him. Harry waited for some time to pass to let him cool off and he paused the film. He then got up and walked to the bedroom door, leaning closer to listen in. No sound came through. Maybe Louis was asleep after all. Harry smiled and knocked softly at the door. No response. He opened it slowly and walked in. Louis was on the bed, under the covers. Harry joined him. He laid there, next to him, the small boy’s body dark and unrecognizable. His breath though was sort and quick.  
“You’re not sleeping, are you?” Harry chuckled finally.  
“Not anymore, of course, thanks to you.” Louis snapped back.  
“You know what they say. We shouldn’t go to sleep angry.”  
“That’s a fucking stupid saying.”  
“So are you?”  
“Am I what?”  
“Angry with me?” Harry held his breath.  
“Maybe.” Louis said and turned over to face him. The few light of the room shadowed his angular cheeks, making him look thinner than usual. Harry covered Louis’ face with his hand and pulled himself closer to him. They soon were kissing, their hands exploring each others’ bodies, as if it was the first time they were making love. The bed had already become a mess, as they rolled over it, moving rhythmically to each others’ moves, like professional dancers locked into a passionate tango. Their breaths were synchronized, even though Louis was moaning louder than Harry, throwing his head back on the pillow. Harry kissed his stretched out neck, feeling Louis pulse against his lips, as the other boy tightened his grip on Harry’s hands, who, on his part, was holding him down, while he moved slowly inside him. Louis spanned his hands free and turned their bodies around, to get on the top. Harry ran his fingers against Louis’ hip bones, all up to his raised cock, that he took gently into his palm and helped him as the brunet came. Then it was Harry’s turn to turn Louis around for the final act, before letting his head fall on Louis’ chest, a smile covering his face. Louis’ heart was racing, and so did his.   
They fell asleep one on top of the other. When Harry woke up, he felt Louis’ hot skin against his cheek. He raised his head and traced his tattoos with his finger, memorizing each line, each design that made Louis who he was. Harry kissed his way up to Louis’ still sleeping face. Louis smiled. He tasted better than chocolate. At that moment, Harry knew what happiness felt like. There, in Louis’ arms, he was safe, he was loved, he was the luckiest human being in the world, he was happy, carefree, satisfied.  
“I need some tea.” Louis said as he ran his bonny fingers through Harry’s long hair.   
“I’ll make us some.” Harry didn’t want to leave his warm embrace, but he knew that they needed to leave that bed eventually. He hated that.   
Harry was in the kitchen boiling some water and preparing some toast for their breakfast, as Louis took a shower. Then the door rang. Harry quickly threw some clothes on and ran to the door. Liam was waiting for him at the door step. He looked odd. They stared at each other for some time. Liam was as handsome as always, with his muscular body and his manly face, covered with face hair that suited him perfectly. Liam was a guy guy.   
“I didn’t expect you. Why didn’t you call?” Harry asked finally, stepping aside so that Liam could come in. But the older boy took his time to enter. His gaze moved from the floor to the rooms to Harry and over the kitchen. Sure the house didn’t look that good, but Harry didn’t really have time to clean up.  
“I did call you.” Liam said, his eyes exploring Harry’s face.  
“You did?” Harry looked over to find his cell phone. Sure enough he was low on battery.  
“I forgot to charge it. Sorry.”  
“That’s okay. You haven’t answered any of your emails either.”  
“I’ve been busy.”  
“I’ve heard otherwise.”  
“What do you mean?” Harry asked, taking the pot off the stove and placing another cup out for Liam. He didn’t really like the idea of having Liam for breakfast as well, but he didn’t want to be rude. Besides, Liam had come all this way. The least he could do was to offer him some toast.  
“Dorothy said that she has been calling you, knocking at your door, for days. She finally called me.”  
Dorothy who? Oh! Harry had forgotten about the bakery. Shit.   
“I… I’m sorry. I guess I lost truck of time.”  
“That’s fine. She managed to run it herself.”  
“Thank God.”  
Liam studied him as he set up the table. Worrying lines formed over his forehead.  
“Changjo called me as well. You haven’t got in touch with him for days. He wanted to come down himself, but he can’t miss classes.”  
Changjo…   
“I’ll call him.” Harry said almost automatically.  
“Harry, what’s going on?”  
“Nothing. Don’t worry. Really.”  
“I can’t help it. You know that I’m your friend. You know that you can trust me.”  
“Seriously, Liam. You are over protective. Nothing is going on. I promise.”  
By then Louis came out of the bathroom all dressed up. Harry smiled at him. Liam followed his glance.   
“Liam, you shit head. You know exactly when to turn up and ruin the mood.” Louis said playfully and set at his chair. Harry poured the tea and caught Liam’s eyes on him. Liam was alarmed.  
“What? It was only a joke.”  
“A joke?”  
“He can’t remember what a joke is any more.” Louis pointed out.  
“You think that this is a joke?” Liam pointed at Louis’ cup. Louis gave him a puzzled look.  
“I don’t understand.” Harry said and set down.  
“Jet lack.” Louis said and smiled.  
“Harry, I need to make a phone call. I will be right back.” Liam was out of the room in seconds. Louis followed him with his gaze.  
“Rude bastard.” He said.  
“Shh! He might hear you.”  
“He should.” Then he repeated his remark louder. Harry burst into laughter.   
“He’s our guest. Be nice.”  
“Last night you were begging me to be otherwise.” Louis winked. Harry cupped his face and kissed him.   
“Harry.” Harry looked up. Liam was back in the room. He looked terrified.  
“I’m sorry of what he said.”  
“Don’t apologize for me. Especially when I’m not sorry at all.” Louis snapped.  
“Harry, where are we?” Liam asked slowly and calmly, even though his face said otherwise.  
“What kind of question is that?” Harry was sure that Liam was joking.  
Liam took a deep breath. He was dead serious. “Harry, do you remember when we used to tour?”  
“Look, it’s not time to start practicing. Don’t worry.”  
“Do you remember … Harry, is Louis in the room with us?”  
“What?”  
“You fucking loser!” Louis screamed.  
“Harry, is Louis in the room with us?” Liam insisted. What was wrong with him today?  
“Of course he is! What kind of game is this?”  
Liam took Harry’s both hands into his. He was almost on the edge of tears.  
“I love you, Harry. And I really thought you’ve got better, but… this is brutal! It’s not fair!”  
“Liam, are you all right?”  
“Harry, Louis is not here. He isn’t here with us for years. He is dead.”  
Harry snapped his hands out of Liam’s grip. He was shocked. What was he talking about?  
“Liam, he is right in front of you! Can’t you see him?” Louis waved in response. He had a smirk on his face, clearly finding the whole thing amusing.  
“He is not. He overdosed and he died. You found him. You and Changjo. You went to the hospital. Then you turned your life around, came here, opened a bakery and raised Changjo.”  
“STOP IT!!” Harry screamed. He puts his hands up to cover his ears, pressing them hard enough that he could hear his own pulse. Tears ran down his face. Flashes of the past came back. Louis on the sofa, vomit running down his mouth, the pills spilled all over the floor, Changjo screaming, shaking his dad to wake up.  
Harry screamed and screamed and screamed till he couldn’t breathe any more. He fell on the ground gasping. Sobbing he curled into a ball, pulling his hear with his hands, keeping his eyes shut. Liam was over him, trying to comfort him. He pulled him up and held him close to his chest, rocking him like a baby, while Harry was trying to breathe. Did he really want this life? A life without him? He didn’t have any reason to live. Changjo was all grown up, he didn’t need him. He had his trust found that could support him for two lives. And he was better off without him, his dad who created the ghost his former lover, lived into his fantasies for days, actually believing that he was there with him, their own heaven, their own nirvana. And now? Why should he endure that torture of being away from him? Live in pain? Live in constant pain? There was a way, a way to be free from this misery, this heartache, maybe be with him.  
All these thoughts were spinning around his head, a stream of darkness covering his sight and he couldn’t see. Every time he tried to breathe the rock that pressed its weight against his chest became heavier and heavier, the memory of Louis overwhelming his whole being, his whole self. The doctors in the clinic tried to talk to him. Harry didn’t want to see anyone. He yelled, threw the chairs on the walls, attacked anyone who came near him. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to be left alone. He didn’t need anyone’s help. There was nothing anyone could do. None could bring Louis back. And that’s what would heal him, the only thing that he truly wanted. But that wasn’t possible, that was just a dream, a stupid dream that kept him going all these years. But it was time to wake up. Time to face the truth. He was alone. Louis left him. He was alone.

 

 

 


	2. I Love The Way You Hurt Me Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the story  
> Title from the Fall Out Boy song  
> Goodreads is a real web site  
> MrBang is a Teen Top song  
> Reunion takes place in this part  
> Enjoy!!

The light created soft shadows over the white walls. Harry watched them as they sifted and moved. He was lying on his bed, waiting for the nurse to come and get him for his time out. Soon enough the door opened and two men with white uniforms entered. They were followed by Harry’s doctor, who checked his pulse and his blood pressure, before making sure that he had taken all of his peals.  
“Mister Styles, I think we are ready. Don’t forget, your son is coming here today with your friend Ashton.” The doctor said.  
“Yes, thank you.” Harry replied and followed the men out in the common room. It was a large room, with tables attached on the floor, arm chairs, table tennis, chest boards and laptops. Many patients were hanging around with nurses and doctors preserving them.   
Harry went straight to his usual spot. He was waiting for this all day. He set comfortably on the chair and logged into Goodreads. He had created his account after the doctor’s advice to start reading books and discussing about them with others. And since not many patients ever followed that advice, Harry created HarryS, his Goodreads’ profile. At first he only talked about books, but that didn’t happen often now.   
He was in a conversation about The notebook, when he met MisterBang. At first, he hated the guy. He had zero books on his selves and he made fun of the others in the forum. Plus, he had no information about himself on his profile. Plus he kept popping up on every conversation Harry had on the web site and that got really annoying at some point that lead Harry to confront him.   
One thing led to another, and before he knew it, Harry was exchanging hundreds of massagers with MisterBang per day. Harry knew that it wasn’t wise to talk to strangers, God knew who they might be and what their intensions were. Part of him wanted to close down the account and create a new one, in order to avoid him, but he eventually gave in and got to know him. Well, as much as someone could get to know anyone on the internet.   
MisterBang was funny, interesting and smart. Harry loved their conversations, how deep they got, how he could tell him everything. Well, not everything. Harry conveniently forgot to tell him that he was an old, washed up celebrity and he was currently a resident in the local lunar center. But he talked about his feelings and MisterBang told him about his, how he was leaving alone, with a big hole in his life and heart. Harry tried to make him talk about it more, but MB didn’t want to go in further details and Harry stopped asking. But somehow he knew that they had almost the similar problem. They were both alone, wanting someone to comfort them, but not the right person.  
After some months chatting on Goodreads, Harry told his doctor about MB. At first he was afraid that he would make fun of him or even judge him for being a naïve fool for talking to strangers and trusting them, but the doctor was understanding and encouraged Harry to pursue his friendship with MB. He also was interested into knowing more about him and their relationship. Harry wasn’t very comfortable talking about MB and their personal conversations but eventually he gave in.  
Of course he didn’t tell anything to George or anyone else. He was still afraid of disappointing them, as he had done half a year ago. Harry was still embarrassed by his emotional breakdown, acting like a crazy person. Of course Changjo and everyone were supportive. Even Ashton was flying from Sydney to see him. That was sweet enough for him to do that, and Harry felt grateful for everyone’s attention and love.   
Harry stared at the screen of the computer for a few minutes. Usually MB knew the time he logged in, but today, he was late. Harry didn’t want to over react, he didn’t own the guy, he shouldn’t demand him to be there every day. Still, he felt disappointed. He really wanted to talk to him today.  
Harry glanced at the clock at the corner of the screen. He didn’t have much time. The visiting hours would start soon and he would have to go. He tried to ignore the clock and he checked some other discussions, with not much interest though. People walked behind him, some of them staring at him.   
He was about to give up, when the massage symbol turned red. A massage, finally!  
“R U there?”   
Harry let his breath out. He hadn’t realized that he was holding it.  
“Yes.”  
“Sorry I was late.”  
“No worries.” Harry lied.  
“How R U 2day?”  
“Fine. You?”  
“Okay. Been better.”  
“MB, what’s going on??”  
“The usual. Feeling low.”  
“Is there anything I can do?”  
“Talking to U helps.” Harry smiled.  
“Glad I can help.”  
“Tell me what U R doing 2day.”  
“My son and an old friend of mine are visiting.”  
“Sounds like a big day U have planned.”  
“They are surprising me. My friend came all the way from Down Under to see me.”  
“Where from?”  
“Sydney.” Mb was living in Australia too, but he was from England. He had to move there because he wanted a new start. But he missed England. He missed the rain and the fog and the tea and the football games. Harry loved to talk to him about it. He wrote to him songs about the dull weather and his feelings, and MB wrote him back some verses and small poems. Harry knew that they were communicating better through their songs and writings than when they were talking directly to one another.  
“And when will they be there?”  
“Soon actually.”  
“So we don’t have much time.”  
“No, sorry.”  
“Have U read what I sent you?”  
“Yes. I loved it :D”  
“Thanx.”  
“You should consider publishing them. Or shelling them to some discography. Or perform them yourself if you can.”  
“I don’t want the published.”  
“Why not?”  
“I wrote them for U”  
Harry’s heart started racing. It wasn’t long ago that he had realized that he was falling for MB. Was it possible? His heart was closed forever. That’s what he thought. He couldn’t love anyone again. Not if that one wasn’t Louis. Still…  
“MB, I am really sorry. I have to go. Talk to you tomorrow?”  
“I’ll be there.” MB logged out. Harry lined back on his chair and he ran his fingers through his hair.  
“Mister Styles? There here.” A nurse informed Harry and he followed her into the waiting room. Chairs and tables were spread all over the room and near the window, Changjo and Ashton were sitting talking to each other. Changjo had cut his hair and styled up and looked more manly than before, as the hair really uncovered his high cheekbones and his beautiful eyes. Still, in Harry’s eyes he still was a kid, especially when he smiled and looked so cute and lovely. Ashton had his hair pulled to the one side of his head, something that make them look like golden caramel. His complexion was dark from the time he spent under the Australian sun but he still had that gorgeous, warm smile and his eyes were shinny and full with love. Harry hugged Changjo first and then Ashton. Then they set down opposite to him.  
“You look great as always.” Ashton said and smiled.  
“Thank you. You too.” Harry replied.  
“I’m not going to ask you how you’re feeling. I have been there and asking that question always irritated me.” Ashton said. Harry couldn’t imagine Ashton suffering from depression. He was always so happy and good willing. Yet, he had been into a clinic and he was still fighting his illness. But always with a smile. Harry took strength from that. His doctor told him that he should think about people who he knew and they had survived through difficult situations. At first, he thought that that was stupid, but later it really helped him to get back on his feet. He tried to forget the time he was into that dark place. He didn’t want to see anyone back then, he didn’t want to live any more. Now, Harry was afraid of those thoughts, remembering that time, as if he would go back into depression when he remembers.  
“I’m good, don’t worry.” Harry smiled bitterly.  
“Dad, if you want me to take you home, talk to the doctor and arrange for your earlier departure…” Changjo offered, but his voice failed him, as Harry pointed his eyes at him.  
“Thanks you, Changjo, but I think I should stay here as long as the doctor thinks that I should. Besides, you can’t have me around, now that you are working.” Harry was so proud of Changjo. He was finishing his studies and he had already gotten himself a job in a big publishing company. They were waiting for him to get his degree in a few months, and Harry was hoping to be out by then, even though he was afraid to leave the clinic, in fear he will get worse living by himself. One of these days he should arrange a meeting with Liam and talk about his coming out.  
“If you are thinking about me, don’t. I will manage.”  
“I can help too.” Ashton offered. “I can stay here for a while, as long as you need me.”  
“Don’t you have any plans with the boys?” Harry asked.  
“We are making a new album. Cal is very excited about it. He is writing it with Michael right now and he didn’t really need me for now.”  
“So, you’re staying here?”  
“Luke is here as well. I’m taking a photography course at Liverpool and it will take about a month or so.”  
“So, you will be here for the graduation?” asked Changjo excited.  
“I hope so.”   
They talked for a little while and then the visiting hours were out and they had to go. Ashton promised to visit again and tell Luke to come as well.   
Harry felt really good after that. He went for lunch and then he rested for a while before his doctor’s appointment. The words of MB were spinning into his head. I wrote it for U. Had he really? And what did that mean?  
“Are you comfortable Harry?” The doctor asked.  
Harry settled on the sofa and took a deep breath. He was used to the therapy now and it didn’t bother him as it did at first.  
“I’m okay, thank you.”  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Better.”   
“That is good. You are making progress. Anything new from your accounted with your son and friend?”  
Harry told him about his conversation with Ash and Changjo and his thoughts about talking to Liam about his future. The doctor seemed really keen about that.   
“How does that make you feel?”  
“A little scared. I don’t know if I can cope with everything outside.”  
“You are afraid of how to manage by yourself, or of Louis appearing to you again?”  
“I’m afraid that I will feel alone again and have the need of Louis.”  
“Don’t you have a friend from Goodreads now?”  
“I do. But it’s not the same.”  
“How so?”  
“He’s… he’s away. I don’t even know how he looks like.”  
“Does that interfere with the way you feel about him?”  
“I don’t feel anything about him.”  
“You don’t or are you afraid to admit it?”  
“I am not afraid to admit it. In fact, I would have been thrilled to be able to start my life again. But I am not in love with this stranger. Sure, he is a good friend but he is not anything more than that.”  
“Maybe the prospect of being happy again is intimidating.”   
“It’s not. Why are you thinking that I can be in love with that guy?”  
“Because, for what you said about him, he is very similar to Louis. Those feelings can be misleading.”  
“I… I don’t understand. He doesn’t have anything in common with Louis!”  
“Harry, think about it. He is rude, he is sweet when he wants to. Shall I go on?”  
“He is nothing like Louis.”  
“But even if he is not, just a little glimpse of him into this guy will produce an image of him in your head, an image that will justify you creating feelings for this new individual.”  
“I really don’t think that he is like Louis. And I don’t love him. I know nothing about him and he doesn’t know who I am or where I am right now.”  
“Does he have feeling for you?”  
“How can he?”  
Harry felt really upset and the doctor didn’t press the matter any further. He was let go and the nurses showed him to the restaurant, but Harry wasn’t really hungry and he just played with his dinner till they came to take him in for the night. Harry laid on his bed exhausted and he tried to forget about his conversation with the doctor, but he was too upset. How could he say that? How could he even suspect that he would love someone that easily? It took him years to even make emends with the idea that he could be around other people, after Louis passed away! What kind of doctor would have come to that conclusion?   
Was he right? Was Harry upset because deep down he knew that he was falling for MisterBang? No, his heart, his body, his soul, all of him and everything he was, his past and his future, all belonged to Louis. He was all his. Forever. Louis of course would liked for him to be happy. Even if that meant for him to rebuilt his life with someone else. But all this was ridiculous! MB was a stranger from Australia. They could never meet in real life. It wasn’t possible.  
The doctor didn’t talk about MB again, but he insisted on talking about Harry’s feelings and whenever he was planning on falling in love again. Harry started to resent all these discussions. He didn’t talk to MB for a while. Every time he stared on the screen of the computer, MB’s massages blinking, calling him to open them, read them, all fifty of them, Harry felt filthy. Thought the things the doctor had said, still implying about their relationship. Harry felt that he was cheating on Louis, this time for real. No, he couldn’t continue this with MB.  
But as the massages started piling up, Harry started feeling the need to talk to someone. He missed MB’s company, the conversations they shared, the secrets they talked about. He missed him. And so he finally longed into his Goodreads account and he opened his last massage. He read it, his heart beating so fast he couldn’t move. He was anxious, even panicking about what he was about to say to him. Was he ditching him? Was he through with him? Did he have enough of all this crazy situation?  
“Hi,  
I don’t even know if you read them or not anymore. Look, I don’t know what happened to you. Was something that I have done? I thought about our conversations over and over and I may have been harsh on you sometimes, but I didn’t really mean it. You know me, I say things that I don’t mean, not really. I didn’t mean what I wrote to you at my last massages. If you read them and you decided to tell me, please, at least let me explain.  
Anyway, I won’t bother you again after this. So, if this is good bye, then good bye. I am really happy that I ever met you.”  
Tears formed into Harry’s eyes, as he got emotional. He erased all MB’s massages before that one. He didn’t want to read them, he didn’t really care. He opened a new form and started typing.  
“MB  
I am really sorry about my absence these past weeks. You really did nothing wrong!! This is really one of the situations where it’s not your fault, but mine, for real. I had some problems to deal with. I am really sorry. If you could forgive me, we can start again.  
H”  
Harry held his breath as he pressed sent and the massage disappeared from the screen. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. It was crazy to think that Louis would answer him straight away. Considering the time difference and the fact that MB had stated to him straight out that it was his last massage to him. He may have as well deleted his account and Harry was sending his massages to the vast emptiness.   
He could have been standing in front of the computer for hours haven’t the nurses come to pick him up for a visit. Harry walked with them into the visiting room, where Liam was waiting for him. The two boys hug each other and then they set on the chairs, facing each other.  
“I was so glad to hear from you.” Liam started.  
“I figured that we have to talk about what am I going to do after I leave the clinic.”  
“I was thinking about it too. I don’t think you want to go back to the bakery after…you know…?”  
“That is true. It is better to sale the bakery and the house. I don’t think Changjo would mind.”  
“I don’t see the reason why he would be upset. It’s not like he would have time to go there at all. Plus there isn’t much to do there, since you won’t be there after all.”  
“The thing is, what will I do next? The money from the bakery won’t support me for long.”  
“Well, I was thinking…” Liam looked him in the eyes, uncomfortable.  
“Well?” Harry asked impenitent.  
“You can come and work for my company. Write songs, music, consult with me. If you like, that is.” Liam had offered him a place in his discography company long ago, but Harry had refused. But now, the idea of working in music again seemed as good as ever. Music was his life. He needed it. He stayed away from it, because it reminded him of Louis, his notes, his lyrics, his smile… But now he knew he had made a mistake to shut it out of his life.   
“Liam, I would love to.” Liam smiled.  
“It will be so exiting! The two of us working together again!”  
“Yes, we always saw eye to eye when it came to music.”  
“The only thing we had in common after all.”  
“But it was enough.”  
“Yes it was. It is.” Liam laughed.  
“Liam, you are one of my best friends. I don’t think that music is our only bond. I love you.”  
“And I love you too, buddy.” Liam smiles, these lovely puppy eyes.  
They talked some more, about how Liam could sell the house and the bakery and move the money to Harry’s account. Then they could pursue a house close to Liam’s company and Harry could move there when he got out.  
Harry claimed that he had a headache after lunch so he could escape the talk with the doctor and went straight to his room. He lay down for a while and then walked up and down the room. He felt the walls getting smaller and smaller. He couldn’t stand that anticipation! How could he tolerate waiting till next morning to find out if MB answered him.   
The hours were insufferable! Was this what he had MB go through? Wait for an answer that never came? What if MB got enough of all this craziness and stopped checking his inbox? What if he had loved him, as the doctor suggested? Did he miss his last chance of happiness?  
It was early morning when the phone rang. Calum was still hang over from the night out he had with Michael. Damn that man could hold his liquor! With his eyes closed searched for his cell phone and he finally got it from his pants’ pocket.   
“Hello?”   
“Calum? It’s Liam.” Figures. Calum looked at the clock on the wall. It was four in the morning for God’s sake!  
“Liam, this is better be an emergency.”  
“Cal, where is he?”  
Calum took a few minutes to let it sink in.  
“He is in his room.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Look, he’s a grown man. I am not here to babysit him!”  
“I know, I know. And I’m sorry. I understand that what we made you go through. Especially Ashton.”  
“Look, we know what we were signing for when we agreed to help.”  
“Look, I need to talk to him. Can you put him through?”  
Calum took his time to get out of bed and out of his room. He walked down the corridor and out into the garden. He went passed the pool and over the line with the trees and finally reached the garden house. It was still night outside, but he knew his way even with his eyes closed and the moon was whole tonight, so he could see well past the flowers. He reached the door and knocked. Nothing. He knocked again. Nothing.  
“Liam, he is not answering. He must be asleep.”  
“Okay, well…” Just then the light went on and the door opened. The figure that appeared at the door was a dark one. A small man, thin, with his hair a brown mess on his head. He was unsaved, and the clothes on his back were too big for his body.  
“What?” He asked angrily. His voice a harsh cry.  
“Liam wants to talk to you.” Calum said and gave him the phone. The man took it, his eyes never leaving him, a blue fire in the night.  
“Liam, is Harry okay?” He paused and nodded with relief. “Okay then. Do you know when he will be out? Aha, okay. That’s good. That’s great actually. Thanks, Liam. Talk to you in the morning, cause it’s still night here, you fucking bastard!”   
He pushed the phone back at Calum.  
“Everything okay?”  
“Yes. If everything will ever be okay.” He gave Calum a mischievous smile and disappeared inside. Calum signed and he made his way back to his bed. This was a mess. All of it. Sometimes he felt bad for Harry. Sometimes for both of them.  
“It is so good to hear from you again. Just don’t disappear like this again.” MB said and Harry smiled.  
“I am sorry.”  
“Don’t apologize again. Please.”  
“Okay.”  
“Any news?”  
“I heard from my son today. He said that his graduation is arranged for the end of the month.”  
“That is great. Are you going?”  
“Of course. I’m actually moving to London and starting working for a company of my friend’s.”  
“That sounds exciting. You are going to be a little businessman, aren’t you.” Harry giggled. Alarmed he looked around to see if anyone had noticed him laughing like a little girl. Fortunately none was paying him attention. He turned his attention back to his chat and find himself lost, forgetting everything and everyone.  
For the next few weeks, everything happened so fast, Harry barely knew all of it. He hadn’t felt so out of control since the promotions tours he had to do with the band. He finished the talks with his doctor and the later arranged a new doctor to continue Harry’s therapy when he moved to London. Liam visited him often with lawyers to have him sign papers for the house and for his contract with Liam’s company.   
And finally the day arrived. Harry was on the computer, talking to MB, while his luggages were ready, waiting for Changjo to come and get them.   
“So, R U ready to embark your new life?” MB asked.  
“I’m a little scared.” Harry admitted.  
“Don’t be. It’s an adventure. You’re gonna be fine.”  
“That makes me feel better. Thanks. :)”  
“ You’re very well come.”  
“I know it is not the nature of our relationship, but I really would love to have the opportunity to meet you.”  
“That can never happen, though.”  
“I know. But now that I’m working, maybe there will be a chance that I can come over to Australia. Maybe we can meet for coffee or something.”  
“That can’t happen.”  
Harry’s heart sank into his chest.   
“Are you afraid to meet me?”  
“I just can’t. And I don’t see the point for us to meet. We can talk. I love talking 2 U.”  
“And I love talking to you. I just thought that it would have been nice to say to you face to face how thankful I am for your friendship. You can’t know imagine how much it had helped me talking to you.”  
Louis smiled a bitter smiled. Everyone had warned him against communicating with Harry. When he made his decision to fake his death, it was clear that he had to cut every ties he had with his family. Back then, it didn’t matter. He was an addict. He was living literally only to get high. The rehab was a torture. It took him almost two years to get clean. It was a death. But through that death, he was reborn. And his new self was still in love with Harry. Madly in love with him. But he couldn’t go back to him. He couldn’t reach out and tell him that he was alive. Even when Harry was so low, when he was begging for a sign from him, as his last hope was stripping from him, slipping deeper and deeper into the darkness. As he did.   
Then he had finally made amends with the fact that Harry was living his life that didn’t include him, Harry got a turn for the worse. Ashton had hidden the truth from him for months. Then he heard him talking to Niall about it and he pushed him to spill the truth. Finally Ashton gave up. Louis had been living with him to Sydney with Ashton since he got out of rehab. He managed to keep a low profile over the years and he was soon forgotten from the media. And he tried to live day by day, straggling to keep up with his decision.   
But when he heard that Harry was in the clinic, he had to find out if he was okay. Liam’s reassurance wasn’t enough. He had to communicate himself with Harry. So he created MisterBang. He learned about Harry’s Goodreads profile and he tracked him down. He finally got him to talk to him. Louis cried the first time Harry answered his massages. It was the first direct communication he had with him in years. And it made him miss him more. He remembered the touch of his skin, the smell of his hair, the depth of his eyes, the warmth of his smile.   
And when Harry went silent, Louis almost took the first plane to England to find him. It took every power Calum and Michael had to control him and calm him down. They send Ashton to check on him and report back. But Ash told him that Harry was fine. He had nothing worrying. So, he must have gone silent because Louis did something and Harry didn’t want to talk to him.   
And now, he was asking him to meet. He had gone too far. How could he refuse him to see him face to face without losing him again? How was he to turn him down? What excuse could he use?   
“That is sweet. You helped me too, U know.”  
“But you still don’t want to meet me.”  
“I can’t. I’m, I’m living at the outback. It’s a day away from the nearest town.”  
“Oh, I see.”  
“I’m sorry.”   
“No, no, don’t, please. I understand.”  
Harry felt so relieved. He was told of how Australians lived in big farms and their nearest neighbor was hours away. And Harry would probably have only a day or two during his business trips. If Liam let him go on business trips that is. So Harry didn’t press the matter any further.   
“How did you end up there?” Harry asked, but he couldn’t wait for the answer. Changjo had already arrived. Harry logged out and set up. He then gave a hug to every nurse and doctor and even other patients. He had spent so many time with them, he felt them as friends.   
Changjo got his luggage and they went to the car. He was wearing his winter clothes and looked very handsome. Liam was there waiting for them.  
“I thought you can come with me and stay for a week or two and then go to London and settle down.” Changjo suggested.  
“Maybe for a few days, because I really missed you. But I can’t stay for a week. I have to start working.”  
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Liam purred. “You can come whenever you feel like it.”  
“Thank you, Liam. But I think that working will help me. Take my mind off and help me start over.”  
“I am sure of it, dad. You were always a business man.” Changjo smiled.   
Harry slept all the way to Liverpool and when they arrived at Changko apartment, Liam and Changjo got the bags to Changjo’s room. His roommate Ricky came out to welcome him.  
“Harry, I am so glad to see you up and going!”  
“Rikcy, you look great. Are you sure you don’t mind me staying here?”  
“Of course. I will stay with Chungji and you can have the place for yourselves.”  
“Oh, we can’t kick you out of your house!”  
“It’s all settled. Enjoy your staying!” Ricky yelled from the door, before disappearing. Harry smiled and went into Changjo’s room. Changjo had made the bed with clean bed sheets and a pile of bath towels sitting on it. His bags were already neatly parked at the end of the room and Harry’s laptop was open on the small desk in the corner.   
“Changjo, where are you going to sleep?”  
“In Ricky’s. Don’t worry. We have everything worked out. Do you want something to eat?”  
“No, I’m fine.” Harry started feeling that he was the child and Changjo was the parent. How did the roles have turned around? Louis would have never allowed that. He was so alive and youthful. Stop it! He couldn’t go back. He couldn’t start thinking of Louis and get depressed again.  
Liam stayed for coffee and then left. Changjo had to go to work for an emergency and so Harry found himself alone in the big apartment, wondering around. It was a rainy day and almost night and so he couldn’t go for a walk. He wasn’t hungry yet to cook something and the TV had nothing interesting on. Plus he had missed every new TV series and he was falling back on every other show.   
Harry went over to his bedroom and opened Goodreads. Sure enough MisterBang was online.  
“Isn’t it really late in Australia?”  
“why R U asking?”  
“You should get more sleep.”  
Louis smiled. Harry was still trying to take care of him, even when they were seven thousand miles away. Even when he didn’t know that he was talking to his diseased lover.  
“I don’t have to work tomorrow.” That was half true. He didn’t really work for a couple of years, as he was in rehab. Liam had helped him keep some of copyrights of his songs and he lived from them for a couple of years, but then he couldn’t just stay around, doing nothing. He suggested moving out of the house, but Ashton made it clear that that was out of the question. Ashton could be really bossy sometimes and he was certainly very protective and daddy like most of the time. And he wanted to keep an eye on Louis, to make sure that he wasn’t going to dwell in the temptation and contact Harry. When Louis was clean and clear, he stayed in the clinic, thinking of how Harry would be always next to him, because he would be everywhere. Louis was counting on Harry continuing being famous. He was so talented, Louis knew that from the first time he met him. He knew that Harry would be a super star one day.   
But then he got out and he found out that Harry had retired into a small village. Keeping up with him and Changjo had become impossible. Just getting the casual reports from his friends wasn’t enough. So, he got drunk and used to go to the airport, or outside the airport, before Calum or Ashton or someone else came by to collect him.  
And so it wasn’t a big surprised that Ashton freaked out when he found out that was using an internet profile to talk to Harry. But work now wasn’t good enough. Liam had suggested to work for him, write songs for his record company. That kept him busy. He had too many feelings that needed to find a way out of his head, because they were going to drive him mad.   
“You should go to sleep anyway.”  
“Stop being so bossy.”  
“Stop being stupid.”  
“Did you just called me stupid?”  
“I’m sorry, I meant idiotic.”  
“Oh, nice. You saved it now.”  
“Doing my best.”  
“I bet you do.”  
“Mister Bang, are you flirting with me?”  
“Am I?” Louis felt a little jealous. Of whom? Himself? This was insane.  
“Seems like it.”  
“And what about u?”  
“What about me?”   
“R U flirting with me?” Harry read the comment and his face turned red. Was he? Was he really? Suddenly he felt a heavy feeling. Guilt, panic, something. It was making it hard to breath. Was he really flirting with this man? Was he really doing this to Louis? No, this was crazy. Harry always enjoyed flirting, but it didn’t really mean a thing. It was for fun, nothing else. And that’s what he was doing. He was innocently flirting with a faceless man on a book chat. He wasn’t doing anything wrong.  
“Maybe. I can’t help it sometimes.”  
“No worries.”  
“Am I making you uncomfortable?”  
“Not really.”  
“Good. I didn’t want to scare you away.”  
“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” And it was true. Or at least half of it. Louis glanced over the desk, where the tickets for UK were lying. It was hard to keep it a secret from Calum. But he managed to get them online and hide them away. He got his passport that Ashton had hide it away from him after his last attempted to fly back home.   
“You free to go anywhere you want. But can you trust yourself to stay away from Harry and George? Can you be so close to them and not be tempted to see them? Or would you choose to reveal yourself to them? Then how would Harry take it? Will he be considerate? Or would he hate you for what you made him go through? Can he forgive you? Can he even grasp the idea of you not being dead?” Ashton was fucking good in speeches. After that, Louis handed him his passport willingly. He didn’t want to get drank and do anything stupid.   
But now it was different. He wasn’t going to England after a drank decision. He knew what he was doing. He was going to get at the back of the room, to see Changjo take his diploma and maybe, just maybe, get a glimpse of Harry. The tricky part was getting away from Cal. But he had heard that Michael was getting him away for the weekend, man trip, as he called it. They will be away for two days, just enough time for Louis to get his bags ready and get to the airport in time. By the time they realize that he was gone, he would call them from London to announce them his decision. Maybe he will stay with Ashton, just to make sure that he won’t have to hear him grumbling about it for years after that.   
Plus, he needed someone to keep him in check, in case everything went south. He was confident that he wouldn’t relapse, but he didn’t really trust himself to stay away from Harry once he took a glimpse of him. Maybe Ashton and Liam could keep him in bay. Maybe…  
Harry tucked himself into the bed and closed his eyes. He had to sleep. But he couldn’t. He was too overexcited to doze off. That day, he and Liam went to the main London offices and signed the final documents of Harry’s employment. Liam gave him a tour of his company and then they met with some of the artists Harry was going to work with. Everyone was very happy to meet him. They asked him questions, but not the ones the journalists used to ask him. They wanted to know about music and songs and everything Harry loved and missed all these years.  
His thoughts kept him awake till early morning. Then he made some breakfast, got dressed and stormed out in the cold London weather. He got a coffee from the coffee house near the tube station, where he got the morning train and disappeared among the numerous unanimous Londoners, racing to get to work in time. He got the free newspaper at the stop where he had to change trains and he read it all for the rest of the ride. He remembered the time when he was all over the celebrity news. Fortunately now there were only younger versions of him, parting wieldy at the city’s most hip night clubs. He smiled to himself and in a few minutes he was at his luxurious office, overlooking the Themes. He checked his agenda first. His morning was full. But before he started, he had to check his Goodreads account for MisterBang’s messages. Sure enough, his friend was sending him his best wishes for his first day to work. MisterBang was a little destructed lately. But then again, so was he. And he hoped he would stay that way. That’s why he kept staying late and doing overtime. He dreaded returning to his home, his dark, lonely home. That cold place where he will sooner or later start thinking about Louis again. He really tried to push him away from his thoughts, but he was always there, larking at the side of his mirror when he was looking at himself in the morning, while washing his teeth, at the corner of his bed, at the empty seat next to him in the tube. Louis was always there. And he would always be.  
That’s why tonight he was staying at the office late as always. The cleaners got used to him being there and they didn’t seem surprised seeing him walking around the dark corridors. He had his mind around an idea that he was working on for days now, about finding some songs in the old folders of the company and match them with their new bands. He was looking at them and reading tones of lyrics and everything.   
Liam didn’t know about it. He wanted it to be a surprise, to show him his gratitude and what he was capable of. He had gone through all the files and he had only a box or two to look into. He brought them into his office, kicked his shoes off, made some fresh coffee and set down on the flour comfortable and got the first pile of papers. He was on his third coffee when he stabled on a song called “Lonely heart”. He was about to pass it over, it was three in the morning after all, but with the first lyrics he was hooked. He read all the songs in the box, already arranged for singers and other bands, already assigned and performed by the artists of the company. But the songs had this melancholy, this feeling of emptiness, helplessness, and the endless love for someone that is out of reach. Harry felt that the songs knew exactly what he felt inside, how it was to miss Louis so much. Harry’s eyes were watery, when the buzzing of the new day of work came through his open door. Harry jumped on his feet and quickly cleaned up the mess of papers and cups. He fixed his hair and clothes and took the boxes back, all except the boxes with those songs.   
As soon as he returned to his office, he logged the serial numbers he found on the box to find the information of the composer. But a box with “confidential” written on it jumped on his computer screen. What was going on? Who was that artist and why was it forbidden to know who he was?  
Harry waited till Liam was in the office and he stormed into his office.  
“Harry? What….? Didn’t you go home last night?” Liam looked him from head to toe. Harry didn’t think that Liam would be the kind of men who noticed what someone was wearing.   
“I need to talk to you.”  
“Harry, it is not wise to not get some sleep. Look, take the day off and come tomorrow.”  
“No, its fine…”  
“Being without sleep is not productive. You should go home and take a bath and get some rest.”  
“Okay, fine. But first I have to ask you something.”  
“All right. What is it?” Liam lay back on his chair, sipping his coffee lazily.   
“I was going through some songs and I found some beautiful songs but seems like I can’t find the name of the artist.”  
“Oh, they haven’t showed you how to find them through our data base?”  
“No, I know how to look for them, but it seems blocked somehow.”  
“What’s the number? Maybe I can look it up now.”  
Harry handed him the paper that had the serial number on it and Liam took it and dial it.  
“Oh, that. Um… it’s that… he wants to stay anonymous.”  
“Oh. But surely we must know his name. He must be paid somehow.”  
“He is very … um… special. Did you read his songs?”  
“Yes. They were incredible.”  
“Yes, they are, aren’t they? Well, if we don’t respect his wishes, then he will find someone else to give his songs to. And I really don’t wish that to happen.”  
“So, we are not to know anything about him.”  
“No.”  
“And how does that work? I mean, he has to come and listen to his songs being orchestrated and performed.”  
“He is not from England. And he gets the final track and has the last saying on it.”  
“This is so odd.”  
“Yes, I know. But what can we do? Harry, if you want to use the songs, you can. Just let me be your in-between link.”  
“Okay, I will think about it.”   
“Good. Now go, you look like shit.”  
“Oh, thanks.” Harry smiled and left.  
After some hours of sleep, Harry called Changjo to ask him about his graduation details. It was in three days, and he had to make plans for his trip there. Liam was driving up with him as well, and his kids and wife were going to meet them there, along with Niall and Ashton. Harry was excited. It would be almost like a reunion. Almost.  
He fixed his bags, as he figured that tomorrow he would be too busy to do so, and then wondered a little in the kitchen and the living room, cleaning some dust and some dishes that were there for weeks. He ran to the nearest super market and got some supplies, but nothing that could go bad, as he was planning to be away for a week. It was a slow period for the company, and Liam insisted for both of them to take some time off.   
Harry came back and put everything in the kitchen’s cupboards. He then fixed some quick snake and set on the laptop to see if MisterBang was there. But he wasn’t. Strange. He wasn’t on line yesterday as well. Harry started to worry. Maybe he was busy. He told him that some work was coming up and he might not be able to talk to him for a while. Harry assumed however that it wouldn’t be for long. He missed his friend.  
At work, Harry called all of his clients and made everything ready for his absence. He didn’t want to leave open tubs behind and have to deal with them when he came back. He ran back to his apartment, got his things and Liam helped him load them into Liam’s car. Their ride was fun. They talked about music, they sang as well, something that they hadn’t done together in years. Actually, Harry hadn’t sang a proper song in years. He didn’t feel like it most of the time. Music and singing was for those who celebrated life, they were life themselves. But Harry didn’t have anything to be happy for, except from George.  
Harry stayed with George, while Liam and his family at a hotel. They met late that afternoon. Harry was so glad to see Niall again. He almost forgot how funny he was.   
“So, you two now are besties and all? Work together, travel together, eat together! I’m away for a day and you replaced me with Harry!” Niall complained.  
“Leave them alone!” Ashton snapped. “You aren’t less responsible for them coming closer, being the big TV star and all.”  
“Wait a minute!” Niall yelled and Harry almost fell off his chair from the laugher. The night had started the best way. They ordered another round of beer and by the second glass, Harry felt a little dizzy. So he went outside to find Liam, who was smoking. He stepped out of the door and the cold air hit him, clearing a little bit his head. People were coming and going, others entering the pub, others walking by. Harry lay with his back on the wall and watched them for a while. He felt invisible, as no one was paying him attention. He could get a glimpse of their lives without them even knowing it. The street in front of the pub wasn’t a big one, but some motorcycles were crossing it from time to time. Harry remembered the one he used to have. He loved riding it, the air on his hair, the open road ahead of him, the speed, the freedom. He watched the couples walking by, arm in arm, their heads almost touching. A young couple on the other side of the road were kissing. Harry smiled a bitter smile. He envied them. Young and hot blooded. Harry glanced behind them. A man was looking at them too. He was in the shadows, but Harry could see his silhouette and his sparkly eyes.   
“Harry, are you looking for me?” Liam was behind him, trying to warm his hands.  
“Yes. And watching the people walking by.” Liam smiled and took his arm.  
“Always the sentimental. Let’s go in. It’s really cold outside.”  
Liam sneaked inside. Harry was about to follow him. He glanced back at the man one last time. He had moved from the shadows. He almost stepped into the light of the lamppost, but even before that Harry knew. His heart almost froze into his chest. This time, Louis was thinner, paler. But his hair was shorter, his eyes had a spark. Harry had never imagined him like that. And that was what frightened him more than the fact that he had started seeing Louis again. That meant that he was getting worse.  
“Are you coming?” Liam poked his head out of the door. Harry looked at him. Last time he had withhold the truth from him and he had ended up almost crazy. But maybe he was just drank and he didn’t want to alarm Liam for no reason.  
“Yes, sorry.” Harry got in and didn’t look back.   
That night Harry dreamt of Louis and him having dinner by the fire. Harry had cooked and Louis was gorging over his pasta. He looked so cute, with the sauce dripping off his chin. Harry leaned over and cleaned him with his napkin. Louis gave him a full mouth smile. He was so handsome and … different. Like the man he saw outside the pub. Harry woke up shocked wet and he couldn’t fell asleep again.   
At dawn, he went for a run, as the sky looked clear and it hadn’t rain last night. When he got back, he got a shower and he changed five different outfits, trying to determine what was the best for Changjo’s graduation. His kid had already left to meet his friends, and Harry drank a coffee and ran downstairs to meet Niall and go together to the graduation. Ashton was meeting them at the theatre where the ceremony was taking place.  
But when they reached their destination, Ashton wasn’t there. Neither was Liam. Niall suggested to get inside and take their places. Maybe they were late.   
Harry followed him in. They took their jackets off at the reception area and Niall flirted with the girl who took them and gave them their numbers. Harry looked the other way. It was creepy watching Niall flirt. But still it gave him the feeling of familiarity. Harry smiled and waited it out.   
People were getting in, all dressed up, smiling, taking photos. And among them, a man with a black suit. He had his back at him, but Harry knew those shoulders, that back all too well. Harry turned to Niall quickly.  
“Niall, lets go.” Harry snapped. Niall’s smile faded but he nodded and followed him inside. Harry’s heart raced. This time he wasn’t drank. Maybe he was mistaken. He had just seen someone’s back, nothing else. He just assumed that it was Louis. He was so hungry to see him, that he saw him everywhere.   
Calm down! He ordered himself. Harry forced a smile, but it hurt his face. Changjo waved them from where the students were sited. He ran towards them, all clothed up for the ceremony. Ricky was there too, as well as two other guys.  
“Dad, this is Chungji and L.Joe. I don’t think you have met them,” Changjo said and Harry shook hands with the two guys. L.Joe was a small guy with high, sharp cheekbones and a great smile. Chungji seemed really friendly and he had a nice laugh. Changjo ran back to his seat and the others found their seats as well.  
Ashton and Liam arrived late, but they managed to snick in and watch Changjo get his degree.   
Afterwards they went to celebrate to a nearby restaurant, where Liam had made reservations. Unfortunately Niall drank too much, and they had to leave. Changjo was going to a party with his friends, and Liam was taking Niall back to his hotel, and so, Ashton and Harry were left alone to wait for their taxi to arrive. Liam had made Harry to agree to have Ashton over, as he seemed pale and he couldn’t leave him alone.   
“I don’t know why, but I love this weather.” Ashton commented.  
“Then you are crazier than me.”  
“You’re not crazy. You have just been through a lot.”  
“You have been through a lot and you seem fine.”  
“Never had to deal with the loss of a loved one. But now you are a business man, all professional and serious.”  
Harry smiled. Ashton knew how to smooth the mood.   
“Oh, bloody balls.” Ashton coursed and he bolted down the road, where a taxi was passing them by, their taxi. Harry laughed. And then he looked across the road, and saw Louis looking at him. Their eyes met. Louis’ eyes were filled with hunger, lust, sadness, remorse. And then Louis snapped, like he woke up from a dream, he backed a few steps back and he started running. When Ashton came back to get Harry, Harry was crying.   
Ashton pulled the covers over Harry and ran to answer the door. Since they came back to his apartment, Harry was hysterical. He yelled and cried and talked mainly to himself, and finally he passed out on the bathroom floor. Ashton had called Liam, but he didn’t make it till Harry’s tormentor was over.   
“We must call the doctor first thing in the morning.” Liam said, as he looked into the open door of Harry’s bedroom, where Harry was sleeping peacefully. “And here I was, thinking that Harry was finally over all these! But it will never be. Not for him.”  
“It’s a catch 22. We can’t tell him, and he will keep hurting, and if we tell him, it will do him no good either.” Ashton crashed on the sofa exhausted. Thankfully Changjo hadn’t come yet. Harry wouldn’t want for him to see him like that.  
“It was a very dramatic day for Harry. I should have known that he won’t be strong enough!”  
“Liam, don’t blame yourself. You are not his babysitter.”  
“And you are not Louis’.” Liam said and gave a worried look towards the bedroom door. “Is he well, by the way?”  
“Haven’t talked to him for days. Cal and Mickey are on a trip and they will be back today…” Ashton glanced at the wall were a cat clock was showing three o clock. “…or maybe they are back already. Shall I give them a call?”  
“Nah, let’s do it in the morning.” Liam yawned. “Did you try calling him on his cell?”  
“He is not answering. But I did receive a SMS from him, telling me not to bother him, that he is writing and stuff.”  
“Okay, let him be. Oh, did I tell you? Harry found his songs. Go figure.”  
“They are meant to be. What did you tell him?”  
“That he is an artist who wants to be anonymous.”  
“And he bought it?”  
“Sure he did. Hey, we managed to bury Louis for dead, this isn’t that hard.”  
“Sometimes it’s hard to lie to Harry, especially when I’m watching him suffering.”  
“We have to do it. Remember that.”  
“Okay. Let’s talk tomorrow. You must be tired.”  
“I am really. Well, goodnight.”  
Harry listened to them saying goodbye and bit his lip. He wanted to scream. He wanted to stop breathing. He wanted to ran out of the room and confront his “friends”. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t confront them. One thing was on his mind. He wasn’t crazy. He had seen Louis. He had seen the real Louis. Louis was alive. The love of his life was alive.   
Harry waited for Ashton to fell asleep and he sneaked out of the apartment. Where was he going? He didn’t know where Louis was. Was he at Liverpool? Was he staying at a hotel? Which one? This was crazy. He didn’t know where to go, where to search.   
Harry got back in. Could he wake Ashton and ask him. But he didn’t know that Louis was here. Harry saw Ashton’s phone on the table next to the sofa where the handsome men was sleeping. Harry grabbed it and ran outside. He looked into Ashton’s phone. There were several numbers. Which one? Some of them were from USA. Was Louis staying there? Then he clicked at the speed dial. An Australian number with the name L was the first one, even Ashton’s siblings came second. Harry held his breath as he dialed the number. It rang and rang and rang. Harry called again. It rang a couple of times. Nothing. Harry started feeling very angry.  
“What?” A rusty voice snapped. Louis.  
“Oh, now you are playing the silent treatment. Nice. Very mature, Ashton, very mature.”  
Harry couldn’t breathe. It as him. For real. Was he hallucinating again.   
“You bastard, just talk. I don’t have all day. I told you, I am working and you must not interrupt me.” Louis hang up. Harry fell on the stairs, pushing the cell phone hard on his chest. This isn’t possible. Louis.  
Harry must have fallen asleep on the stairs. When he woke up, his mouth tasted bitter. He still had Ashton’s phone on him. What should he do? Harry stared at the cell phone’s screen. Then he finally made up his mind.  
“Louis, I know you are at Liverpool. Meet me at hotel motel at nine. Google it to find it.”  
Harry sent the message. He held his breath. Did he really wait for Louis to reply? No, he wouldn’t. But Harry was sure he will be there. He ran back to his apartment, gathered his things and wrote a massage down for Changjo for him not to worry. He wrote down that he was going back to London with the first train because he had to meet an artist. He then put Ashton’s phone back on the table and called a taxi. He arrived at hotel motel and got a room there. He waited on the bed for the time of the meeting to come. He had taken a bath and wore his best outfit. He didn’t know if he should feel mad or not. How could Louis had done this to him? How could Liam and Ashton lie like that to him?   
It was 8.40. Louis wasn’t going to be there till 9.30 for sure. But Harry couldn’t wait any longer. He got down and looked inside the café. A few people were taking their morning coffee. Harry wore his scarf and walked out. The weather was cold, like it was ready to snow. Harry walked around the block for minute and then back to the hotel again. He looked from the window inside, but Louis wasn’t there. Harry signed and walked at the back of the hotel. Another round and then he would go back inside. He was about to walk by and then he stopped. Right at the back of the building, where the hotel workers were unloading goods for the kitchen, there was Louis smoking. Harry froze. He hadn’t thought what he was going to say to him. He didn’t allow himself to hope, or to dream about it.  
Louis looked up and turned pale. His beautiful blue eyes were so vivid, so alive. They both stared at each other, not moving, not breathing. Finally, Louis threw away his cigar that was almost burning his fingers and took a step closer, keeping his eyes on the ground.  
“You sent the massage, didn’t you?” His voice was rusty. And in pain. “You called me last night, didn’t ya?”  
“We… we should go… we should go inside and talk.” Harry tried to say. His voice though was wick. He really wanted to appear calm but he sounded unstable and on the edge of crying. So he turned around and walked away. He kept his breath, controlling himself not to look back to see if Louis was following him. He entered the hotel motel and went straight to a table at the restaurant. He set down and counted to ten, his heart beating. He only let his breath out when Louis set opposed to him.  
A waiter appeared and took their order. Louis got Yorkshire tea with milk. Harry had black coffee.   
“I…I came to see Changjo graduate.” Louis finally said. He still kept his gaze away from Harry, like he was embarrassed.   
“Nice of you to do so.”  
“The others had no idea.”  
“Great.”  
“You want to know why, aren’t ya?”  
“If you’ll be so kind.”  
“Harry, please, stop! If you want to yell, yell, if you want to scream, scream, hit me, spit on me, but please, stop being so quiet and polite.”  
“I really don’t want to yell at you, or do all those things you want me to do to you. I just want to know why you did it and how you did it.”  
“Fine. You probably don’t remember, but a week or something before I died, I’ve got drank and passed out on the sofa. You found me in puke and pills all around me. Changjo had already eaten some of them and you rushed him to the hospital. When you came back, we had a fight and you begged me not to make you hate me. Do you remember that?”  
“No,” Harry confessed.  
“Well, I’ve made a decision that day. I decided not to hurt you anymore. I was a danger to you and to our kid. You wouldn’t have let me go, and I didn’t want to ask you to do so. So, I asked Liam and Ashton for help. They helped me stage my death and flight me to Australia. I’ve got into a clinic and after two years I got out. I didn’t know all the things that happened to you, because the doctors didn’t want me to have any contact with the outside world. I stayed with Ash for later on and Liam got some money of royalties and employed me to write songs for him.”  
“The anonymous source,” Harry whispered.  
“Yeah, that one. How did you know?”  
“It matters not.”  
“Right. I kept an eye on you and Changjo. You did a great job raising him. He grew up to be so handsome.”  
“I did my best.”  
“You were a better dad than I could ever be.”  
“You don’t know that. You don’t even try to.”  
“I’ve chicken out. I know. But believe me it was the best thing I could do. Getting reed of me, not having me in your lives, intoxicating them, making you miserable and self destructive like myself.”  
“That’s what you have been telling yourself every night? To make you feel better? Then, let me make it clear for you. I haven’t been good, not good at all. I tried to kill myself, I am in and out of the psychiatric clinics, I’ve got going crazy. You broke me Louis.”  
“I know. I know about your…”  
“How?”  
“MrBang.”  
“What?! You are Mister Bang!?” Harry suddenly felt like all the pieces were finally falling into their places. Louis dared a look at him.   
“I know that apologizing is not enough.”  
“It’s not.”  
“Look, I’m going to leave to Australia. I’ll stop any contact, I promise. You can properly hate me.”  
Louis got up and walked out. Harry was in shock. He was leaving, really leaving. Harry had found Louis again. And he was going to lose him. All those craziness, had led him to understand that there was only one thing that mattered. To seize the moment.  
Harry got up and ran outside. He went into the crowd, almost got hit by a passing car.   
“Louis!” he screamed. “Louis!”  
Harry looked around. Then he stopped. Louis was at the corner of the street. Was he crying?  
“Louis!” Harry ran to him. Louis looked up. Harry didn’t stop. He took him into his arms and let his lips crash on his. Louis felt weak, uncertain. Then he kissed him back and it was like he never had stopped. So sweet, so delicate, so familiar. Harry heard him moan under his breath and smiled, never letting their lips part. Finally he released him from their kiss. Harry breathed heavily, taking him all in. He wiped the tears off Louis sharp, handsome cheekbones.  
“Harry?” Louis whispered.  
“Louis, don’t go. I don’t hate you now, but if you leave me again, if I let you go again, I will hate both you and myself for it. Please, Louis, my love, don’t leave me again.”  
Louis looked at him. His blue eyes, like a storm in the summer, pierced his soul. Uncertainty, fear, confusion, love. Harry kissed him again, pulling his body closer to him, like he wanted to consume him, make them one, make them what they already were. One person, one soul, one heart. Harry could feel Louis’ pulse as he kissed his neck. Could feel his heartbeat strong and quick. His heavy breath on his skin. Louis’ skin hot against his lips. Harry loved him completely and utterly.  
“I’m broken Harry. I’ve hurt you and Changjo.” Louis said.  
“I’m broken too.”  
“I’ve break you.”  
“Then don’t make it worse. I love you Louis. Do you love me?”  
“I do. I always do and will.”  
They walked down the street, hand in hand, arm in arm, one person, finally two pieces of the same heart united.  
“Ashton will kill me.” Louis commented.  
“He most certainly will.” Harry answered. Louis brushed his head on Harry cheek playfully.  
“But he is leaving for Sydney anyway and you are staying here.” Harry added.  
“Hope you have room for me at your big ass London apartment.”  
“Not only at my apartment.”  
Louis smiled. A smile that meant the world to Harry. Because Louis was his world.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it and thanks for reading <3<3<3


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